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marc laidlaw - troublesome mole (on my taint) lyrics

troublesome mole (on my taint) lyrics
well it looks like i’m internet famous
not for trying to be someone i ain’t
there’s no point coming clean
now that everyone’s seen
that troublesome mole on my taint

i have taken my fair share of selfies
but i’ve always used taste and restraint
’till a doctor’s request
for a brightly lit nude
led to global unrest
now that millions have viewed
what i like to describe as
the troublesome mole on my taint

saw my doc for a zoom consultation
he asked me to list my concerns
such as changes in mole coloration
a concern now that seems quite absurd
well the doc shared the mole’s irritation
with his new telemedical role
he thought pix would help evaluation
not of my taint but its troublesome mole

well, several weeks went by and
i had gone out to brunch and selected a bunch
of shots of my falafel platter
to upload to ig, but i failed to see
all the texts from my ex who was
thoroughly vexed, saying “did you mean to?”
saying “what did you do?”
saying “just what the f+ck is the matter?”

before this i lived in a bubble
now it’s burst and it’s out of control
and the source of course of all this trouble
is my really quite dainty taint mole

well it’s sweet that you’ve asked my permission to see it
but how can i say that you can’t
when it’s there to be easily googled?
i’m the top search for wearing no pants
there’s no need to ask any 4+channer
when it’s an amazon favorite enormous silk banner
there’s no one to sue and the photos don’t prove
that it never existed, not since i insisted
that it would behoove the doc to remove
the source of my recent complaint:

that troublesome, troublesome mole from
my taint, my taint, my tainty ain’t ain’t my taint

- marc laidlaw lyrics

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