margot kix - right-wing pornographical secret service lyrics
[answering machine]:
you have three messages
[the son]:
yo, dad… uh, the cousin and i, we… we need more vaseline around here… for hydration! you know?
do you think you could–
[answering machine]:
message deleted
you have two messages
[white lady]:
h-llo…?
ben, is this the right number?
[ben]:
mom, what the f-ck are you doing?
[white lady]:
i’m calling that handsome thing i keep seeing on the tv. white ladies love a man in uniform–
[answering machine]:
message deleted
you have one message
[voice caller]:
greetings, mr. president
this is the representative of the p-rnographical secret service international unity. we are very pleased to inform our cooperation has been very lucrative for both of us
in all of my experience, i’ve never seen such a large amount of successful lewd operations before. and that’s thanks to you and all of the good men you have by your side, sir. your tactics and strategy make the perfect lubrifying we need to insert our measures into the government
making people believe the g-y agenda was a thing, but the “g-y kit”? the whole story about h-m-s queer-washing our kindergartens? we never thought that would work, but you’ve proved us wrong!
and the c-ck-shaped nursing bottle? brilliant
we’re also glad to inform that the initial backlash some of the conservative supporters fueled against our undercover agents has been almost completely extinguished. the pastors might not be fans of frota’s career in the erotic industry, but we have damares – or should i say minister damares now – there to get their trust
wear a cross here, make a pray there, and the evangelicals give you a free p-ss for your long essays on “bovine prost-tution” and “dutch masturbation”
speaking of which, how’s olavo doing?
he seemed very willing to work with us again when he find out you were the client. that’s not exactly surprising, considering how you both work well with absurdity. the astrology special forces can confirm my words: olavo’s the best when it comes to make phony hoaxes work on his own favor
we don’t even give him a script anymore! he’s just too good at filthy-talking his enemies. he radiates so much debauchery in his words it’s impossible for anyone to argue against him without looking like a total pervert. and god knows how we admire that!
an old-man stays on the internet all day, relentlessly distributing his thesis on -n-l s-x and f-ll-t–, sometimes even to minors, and when someone finally calls him out, olavo accuses them of being the lecherous deviants. and it works!
it’s sweet as fetuses in a pepsi
alright, now hear me out. we know how to congratulate the achievements you and our organization have accomplished, but we also know how to reprehend your mistakes. and how to apologize for ours
beginning by the latter, we are deeply sorry about the shameful backfiring your image has received due to the “golden shower incident”. we could never have guessed urine was the kink most of the people would draw the line. after everything ustra did, discussing consensually peeing on your partner is immoral? that doesn’t sound fair. but again, that’s on us, and we promise to fix the damage done
however, we really need to talk about your relationship with the us. i mean, if you want to give’em lands and be pals with donnie, go on. we actually encourage that. but the s-xual tourism thing… it’s not a good look
not when you keep making s-x workers’ lives so difficult
don’t get us wrong, we know very well your partymates wouldn’t be happy about a sudden change of ideals towards… bed professionals. it’s not for nothing we keep all of our operations secret as a under-the-table handjob
if doria had to fairly pay all the girls he calls over his house, how would he fund those wonderful magazines?
that’s why, if we want turn brazil back into the international -ss-selling point it was back on the 70’s, we need to play by the rules of this new game. and this game is called “research”
here’s what we have to do: you’ll take a couple millions away from the people, and then “apply” it on this… project. a study, on the foreign s-xual attraction towards the brazilian body
get some thirsty yankee d-cks to f-ck a couple of pretty latin curves and name it a social experiment! and if everything goes wrong, just blame the left for its… s-x normalization or something
again, we’re really glad you’ve decided our partnership is worth proceeding. we hope you can return this call as soon as possible, so we can discuss our next steps. with w-llys and franco out, there’s just so much potential
we’ll be in touch, mr. president
it is a pleasure doing business with you
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