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mark kozelek with ben boye and jim white - chard enchilada lyrics

walking down old winery road with you this june
walking down west main street meets napa street, with you, this june
driving over to boyes hot springs with you this june
to get some chard enchiladas
it takes a bold enchilada
to be a chard enchilada
with so much competition from the other types of enchiladas to wash down with you over chatter

chicken
shrimp
cheese
enchiladas
chicken mole
and beef enchiladas

to be a chard enchilada is seriously stepping out
you’re on the bench all the time but when the order comes in you gotta be fresh because chard is rough, and peculiar enough

if you’re going to be a chard enchilada
you better toughen up
you got not only be fresh
but be the best chard enchilada anybody has ever tasted
because to be a bad tasting chard enchilada gives chard an even worse name

to be a chard enchilada is to be an underdog in a very tough game
but over at el molino they got the best chard enchiladas ever made
to be honest those chard enchiladas are the only reason i even go to sonoma
if it wasn’t for those chard enchiladas i’d prefer to eat mexican food in san francisco
la taqueria
el castillo

i don’t mind going there and passing the homeless and the tenderloin streets
you can get chicken enchiladas anywhere
but for chard enchiladas you gotta go over there to central avenue in boyes hot springs

to be a bassoonist is a very bold thing
to play the bassoon is boredom
your phone is never gonna ring
if you’re practising in your apartment all your neighbours might be hating you
if you’re playing the bassoon you better hit the best notes the bassoon ever blew
because if you do the orchestra might just make a spot for you
if you’re practising the bassoon not only will the neighbours be complaining and hating
you’re picking an instrument that will keep the chicks from chasing you

you got a lot of competition playing bassoon
the violinist
the saxophonist
the pianist
the cellist
i mean, let’s be real, playing the bassoon is far less glamorous
you might even get more love playing the kazoo than playing the bassoon
plus you’re up at 3 o’clock in the morning making your own reeds
out of bamboo
thinking god d+mn of all instruments why did i pick the bassoon
but if you pick the bassoon i got a lot of respect for you
playing a five foot long instrument with a mouthpiece that’s as long and twisted as an old garter snake
is there anybody out there famous who plays the bassoon?
i’m talking kenny g famous
clarence clemons famous
miles davis famous
louie armstrong famous
ian anderson played the flute but what band you know of was founded by a guy who played the bassoon?
i can’t think of a single one
can you?
therefore i salute you, you who plays the bassoon
because from the moment you selected that instrument the odds were against you
i salute you for playing the best that can possibly be played
because if you don’t play it impeccably you give the bassoon an even less flashy name

i always thought my favourite song was carried by the bassoon
“send in the clowns” by judy collins
as it turns out it was actually an english h+rn

i asked a few musician friends
who’s a good bassoonist?
hands down they said a guy named paul hanson comes to mind
so i reached out at paul and i asked
paul, do you mind, playing a bassoon solo on this song of mine?

to be a dog in scotland is a very unlucky thing
you’ll be wet all the time from the scotland rain
ever been to edinburgh or glasgow and seen the sun shine over there?
i bet the answer is no
but hey, at least you get to use the toilet indoors
when a dog’s gotta pee he looks at you like, oh no, here we go again, another rainy walk, in glasgow
to be a dog in scotland you gotta be resilient, you got to make peace with the fact that you’re always going to be wet
another dog that’s got to be very tough to be is a prairie dog
if you’re a prairie dog you better move fast ’cause you got a lot of animals
[?]
owls
the fox
the coyote
human beings

a lot of humans don’t like prairie dogs growing in their yards
will sit on their porches all day with shotguns
ready to take your head off
they don’t want you digging up their yard
a lot of people can’t afford to have prairie dogs professionally removed
not everybody lives in berkeley and will take it upon themselves to remove you by shooting you
the safest place to be if you’re a prairie dog is down in a hole
but when you poke your head out, you never know
if that’s the last time you’re gonna poke your head out of a hole
to be a prairie dog has got to be a never+wrecking effort
i salute the prairie dog, they got more predators than a rabbit in the desert

now the hardest plate i can thank of, other than being a chard enchilada, or a bassoonist, or a dog in scotland, or a prairie dog
would be to be an albino alligator
i don’t know if this is true
but i heard that when an albino alligator is hatched they are taken to the middle of the swamp by their pack, to a trap
other packs of alligators
for the family of the albino alligator to attack

- mark kozelek with ben boye and jim white lyrics

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