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mark the hammer - darwin would be proud lyrics

[intro]
another year came to an end
and luckily we made it through
‘cause one second you are here
and the next one – boom! – you’re in a tomb
a dignified death is unlikely
so much you’ll be ashamed to face the lord
but you’ll be going to heaven with a prize
which we call the darwin award
let’s go

[verse 1]
once there was a taxi driver
who was taking a couple home
and suddenly he spotted a wounded bear
nearby the road
he hopped out of the car
just to take a selfie with the animal
and guess what? the bear enjoyed human flesh
like a giant furry hannibal
and this is only the beginning

[verse 2]
a biker was going back home
but something caught his attention on his way
a huge python on the asphalt
“i gotta bring it over to my place, ah+hah”
he tried to catch the snake
so that he could have sold him later
and the python started strangling him
and in 2 minutes he was meeting the creator
[verse 3]
#notallmen
dumb ways to die are for girls, too
sidney had to move and so she did it
like real superheroes do
she put the mattress on the roof of a van
and decided to ride it like she was aladdin
and as the driver started moving the van
she fell off within a matter of seconds she was dying

[chorus]
darwin would be proud
you know darwin would be proud of you?
darwin would be proud
you know darwin would be proud of you?
darwin would be proud
you know darwin would be proud of you?
darwin would be proud
you know darwin would be proud of you?

[verse 4]
once a h+rny teenage couple
got into a hotel room
they forgot to bring a condom
and suddenly the guy spotted a glue tube
he thought it was a good idea to use it
on his p+n+s to avoid a pregnancy
he died of multiple organ failure
confusing everybody on the crime scene (tha f+ck?)
[verse 5]
once a man in pennsylvania
was performing cpr on his wife
“she was shocked by a hair dryer” (sus!)
no traces of such device
and then a cop found a nipple clamp
along with a bdsm whip
the man confessed: “it was an erotic game
i plugged the clamp into an electric stamp”

[verse 6]
in a warzone a russian soldier
found a macbook on the street
“today’s my lucky day!”
no second thoughts, so he undid his zip
he slid the macbook into the armor picket
replacing a ballistic plate
and you guessed it, he was shot to death
making all ukraine’s day

[bridge]
a tiktoker died after chugging bottles of booze
to complete a challenge
a matador tried to k!ll a bull
and oh my god, he got his ass handed
it’s weird laughing at this
i wouldn’t say that they deserve it
but you can’t call’em victims either
they just took their life for granted
life is a fragile luck, guys
[chorus]
and so darwin would be proud
you know darwin would be proud of you?
darwin would be proud
you know darwin would be proud of you?
darwin would be proud
you know darwin would be proud of you?
darwin would be proud
you know darwin would be proud of you?

- mark the hammer lyrics

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