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marnie blake - the attic (bonus track) lyrics

[verse 1]
back at my parents’ house, lemon cleaner in the air
mom’s got mariah on, even though it’s august, i swear
dad says, “don’t fall through the ceiling,” like that’s normal to say
i’m just looking for the christmas stuff and somehow lose my day
trip on a box with my name in perfect pen
it’s old wristbands and a journal from when i was like ten
i find my ninth+grade retainer in a cracked plastic case
think, “yeah, that tracks,” and poke at my crooked face

[pre+chorus]
i was bored, now i’m knee+deep in cardboard and stuff
didn’t think my childhood would still call my bluff
every dusty corner hides a version of me
i thought i’d outgrown, but she lives here rent+free

[chorus]
i camе up here for tinsel and tapе
didn’t think i’d feel a single thing today
it’s stupid, it’s tender, i roll my eyes
at the girl who thought one c+ ended her life
just a pile of old junk and half+faded panic
still humming along in the attic

[verse 2]
here’s a “life plan” notebook: get famous / get thin
guess i haven’t changed that much, but it’s irrelevant
found a wig from halloween that smells like cheap hairspray
and a burned cd called “sad songs” i played every bad day
then behind a stack of board games with missing pieces inside
there’s a beat+up navy hoodie, used to wear it all the time
see his last name on the tag in faded black ink
and everything goes quiet faster than i can blink
[pre+chorus 2]
i was fine, now i’m snap+cut back to seventeen
parking+lot philosophy and dairy queen
i don’t even want him back, that’s not it
i just suddenly care if he’s happy and sh+t

[chorus 2]
i came up here for tinsel and tape
not to wonder if his life turned out okay
it’s stupid, it’s tender, i roll my eyes
how a beat+up hoodie still rewinds my life
just some cotton and my teenage static
still running its mouth in the attic

[bridge]
what’s he doing now, did he ever get out
or buy a starter home ten minutes from this house?
is he in some kitchen, talking way too loud
to somebody new who doesn’t need my name spelled out?
i don’t want him back, that ship sailed and sank
i just wanna know his life’s not totally tanked
wild how a strand of lights and one stupid string
turned into this rabbit hole about a high school fling

[chorus 3]
i came up here for tinsel and tape
now i’m drafting one dumb text i may or may not send
it’s stupid, it’s tender, i kind of hate
that i care if he’d read it or leave it on “seen”
guess i’ll settle for screen+lit, secondhand magic
all ’cause i looked in the attic
[outro]
back down the ladder, mom asks, “find anything neat?”
i just shrug, say, “old junk,” and hand her a wreath
in my childhood room with the door half closed
i pull up his contact, think, “holy sh+t… no.”
type, “hey, i’m back in our hometown this week
hope you’re doing well, if you ever wanna meet”
i’m about to hit send, then i change my mind
so i stalk him online, which is normal. it’s fine

- marnie blake lyrics

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