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mary crowell - i put my low stat lyrics

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[verse]
i put my low stat in charisma
got no s-x appeal
thought i’d play the fighter
so i could maim and k!ll
live like a monk
’cause i’m no hunk
baby, what’s the deal?
i put my low stat in charisma

[verse]
i put my low stat in my wisdom
thought i’d play the thief
got a lot of sk!ll points
they bring me no relief
i failed my save, charm person’s slave
now i’ve come to grief
i put my low stat in my wisdom

[verse]
i put my low stat in—can’t spell it
but i think it means you’re smart
i rolled up a barbarian
and he’s a work of art
don’t call him “clown”
he’ll hold you down
and on your head he’ll fart
i put my low stat in—can’t spell it

[verse]
i put my low stat in dexterity
i’ll play an armored priest
when we all roll initiative
i always have the least
can’t save at all
against fireball
now i am deceased
i put my low stat in dexterity

[verse]
i put my low stat in my strength score
and i can’t hit a thing
i thought i might just be okay
if i had magic bling
no vorpal sword
and god, i’m bored
i miss on every swing
i put my low stat in my strength score

[instrumental]

[verse]
i put my low stat in const-tution
now i’m always sad
i usually go unconscious
which makes the cleric mad
my blood won’t clot
got mummy rot
eyesight’s really bad
i put my low stat in const-tution

[verse]
i don’t know where i’ll put my low stat
it’s only seventeen
i wonder why the other guys
have started turning green
you think they’d be
so glad for me
instead they’re really mean
i don’t know where i’ll put my low stat

[verse/outro]
i don’t know where i’ll put my low stat
think all the rolls were sh-t
my dungeon master thinks it’s fun
to irk me just a bit
“no cl-ss will work,”
i told the jerk—
“you could always quit!”
i don’t know where i’ll put my low stat
i don’t know where i’ll put my low stat
i don’t know where—
[spoken:] i know where you can stick that low stat
i don’t know where i’ll put my low stat

- mary crowell lyrics

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