matana roberts - how prophetic lyrics
child, the shame i felt
i would just lay there and wonder: “does he see me?”
gaze so absent, on a secret mission
and me
though a willing collaborator, still
a minor character in a backstory that didn’t truly belong to me
though i knew i was there
he would have thought i was as ghostly as i am now
and if for one moment i might guide his movements, knowing the location of my own desire
or ask to delay the impending pressure until i could position myself pleasurably so
i would be accused of jezebel behavior
skewing duty, messing with the balance of what i was destined by god, he said: “do you see?”
josephine said: “wives don’t get those moments and that it is blasphemous and beyond evening[<+?] to even inquire, you raised better than that" she said: "a dutiful wife is an angel of the ages, you smile, you look pretty, but stay on the borderline of dumb, undramatic and devoted. know your charge!" i had some reservations about him really didn't pay much attention i just gave it to god to sort out my world it tickles me when i think about it too much, because, honey he really tried, but... he tried to ruin my sense of self worth with every move i think about what truth used to say she said: "if i have to answer for the deeds done on my body just as much as men, i have a right to have as much as men" in the early days, he looked at me with such love and care but by the end days, honey, he looked at me with disdain and wild paranoid suspicion made me feel like a slave in my own soul well... they didn't know i was electric, alive, spirited, fired and free my spirit overshadowing, my dreams too bombastic my eyes too sparkling, my laughter too true my name is your name, our name is their name we are named, we remember, they forget my name is your name, our name is their name we are named we remember, they forget my name is your name, our name is their name we are named we remember, they forget
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