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mayor breslin (obscurest vinyl) - jingle bulb bash introduction lyrics

[announcer]
coming to you live from wfrt studios, it’s mayor breslin’s jingle bulb bash
tonight, get ready for twinkling tunes and holiday cheer from:
jenny stardust
reyna
vito lovejoy
rodney munch
trip watkins
and many more joyful surprises that’ll light up your heart
now here he is
the man who puts the “bright” in merry and bright
it’s mayor breslin

[mayor breslin and voice]
well, jingle bulb bash!
eh, that’s cute, who f+ckin’ thought of that?
yeah, well, i’ll be bashin’ a bulb in your f+ckin’ chest later
eh, well, ah, christmas, the f+ckin’ season of joy, goodwill, and if you’re, what??
who the f+ck? what the f+ck is this b+tch chirpin’ about?
what happened to the tree?
the f+ckin’ christmas tree? yeah, yeah, well you can thank george fusco for that
let me tell you all about it
gather around ye f+ckin’ children

yeah, he had one job
yeah, that motherf+cker can’t handle simple direction
all i wanted him to do was go get me a sandwich at the deli, come back, drop it off at my dressin’ room, do not look at me
and you know what this motherf+cker does?
he comes in “uh, uh, mr. breslin, uh, they ran out of bread”
i said “[?] ran out of f+ckin’ bread? at the deli?”
so he left all this loose meat…
…f+ckin, i grabbed that clipboard right out of his hand…
…a huge gash under his eye, i mean, he could be blind at this point
the next thing i know, i’m carryin’ his body up a 20+foot ladder to the top of the christmas tree…
…called the deli and i said “janice, are you out of f+ckin’ bread?”
and she goes “no…”
oh, i—i hope he is blind, i mean, i did him a favor
now he never has to see his little f+ckin’ b+tch+ass face again…
…i said, “that’s why your children don’t want a relationship with you anymore…”
…and surprise, surprise, the tree couldn’t f+ckin’ hold his weight
so he basically belly+flopped twenty feet…
…so then the deli calls me back and they say “we’re sorry, mr. breslin, we’ll bring that bread right over to you” and i said “thank you, janice…”
…”oh, no, the f+ckin’ tinsel, the f+ckin’ ornaments,” and i’m goin’ “whoa, whoa, whoa, this is so f+ckin’ far beyond that
this is a lesson
this is a lesson about being professional, movin’ forward, and just starting over with a clean slate
and i think that’s something, you know, not everyone is capable of doin’
but i think that’s how we should proceed
so, what do you think, should we move forward here?
should we go to the first f+ckin’ thing?
sure

[announcer]
let’s get this jingle bulb bash started
at mayor breslin’s jingle bulb bash
bashing out the jingle bulbs and jingling bashes right here!
now!
we’re bonked out for bulbs, all over the planet, now and forever
for what it could be and what always was
but never is
only times once
for the night of the jingles and bashing
happening only everywhere, forever, tonight and here
let’s kick it off tonight
and now with mayor breslin
now

[mayor breslin]
the f+ck is in my hand?

- mayor breslin obscurest vinyl lyrics

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