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mc lyte - absolutely positively..... practical jokes lyrics

i play practical jokes, just to get a laugh (ha hah)
i put roaches in my neighbor’s bubblebath
but anyway one day she called upon me
she said, “lyte – it’s an emergency!”
my next door neighbor had an errand to run
i said, “why ms. davis – ask your son”
she said, “ricky’s at his grandmother’s”
i said, “well what about tommy, the younger brother? ”
she said, “see, umm, he’s at the pharmacy”
i said, “he’ll be back soon how much longer could it be? ”
she said, “c’mon please, it’s just a trip uptown
if you leave right now you’ll be back before sundown
hurry up, there’s not a moment to spare
it absolutely positively has to get there”
umm, i contemplated then i played a good samaritan
i started the car, then she threw the package in

it absolutely positively has to get there
(get there? )
it absolutely positively has to get there
(well then send it federal express!)
it absolutely positively has to get there
(it gotta get there? )
it absolutely positively got to get there!
(yo who you rushin? )

pumpin out the music on the fdr
not far behind me was a dt car
so i eased up selector, 55 the digit
but on the fdr, 40 is the limit
here they come, sirens on
i could see myself in jail til the break of dawn
but they rolled right by it wasn’t me they was after
a little red corvette, they was tryin to capture
dread i feel sweat so i set down my jacket
look up ahead, now that’s what i call traffic
dipped to an exit and i made my way through
couldn’t believe when i hit first avenue
on a honda’s -ss, just about to crash
looked at the gauge and the sh-t said no gas
zero, nada, nothing in here see
in car terms the sh-t was on empty
got out, and pushed the sh-t to the side
hailed a cab, then i caught a quick ride
to the house of inflation, yes the gas station
gave a little tip to show my appreciation
got back to the ave where i left my car
it wasn’t there, but it couldn’t have gone far
hot d-mn, i must have got towed
tried to figure out how much money i owed
went to the pound and i paid my debt
think that was the worst? you ain’t heard nuttin yet
b-mped into that crackhead sam i used to see
and like always, hand out, give me money
in my tank was a dollar’s worth of gas
i had to get an ? machine fast

it absolutely positively has to get there
(get there? )
it absolutely positively got to get there
(what? )
it absolutely positively got to get there
(well send it some way else)
it absolutely positively has to get there

as i left the bank to walk back to the bm
couldn’t believe what my eyes were seein
looked at the back tire, it was flate
while the other three, were so d-mn fat
a brother walked by and offered his help
ordinarily i woulda did the sh-t myself
but he, changed it quick, so i p-ssed him a ten
here i go on this journey again
went to the gas station, to fill it up
when a crackhead from nowhere grabbed the pump
i said, “look, i don’t need your help today”
and i scared the motherf-cker and he was on his way
oops, a cat, sh-t, scrat!
fur on my tires, and all that
what’s this, a stroke of bad luck?
but at this point, i don’t even give a f-ck
i got to get the package to the destination
no matter what the confrontation
i arrive, bag in my hand
lookin for a woman named pam
she opened the bag it was wrapped tight and snug
but in that bag yo, in that bag
45, guess what? (what was it lyte? )
it was a box of q-tips .. a box of f-ckin q-tips man!!!
{-laughter-}

- mc lyte lyrics

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