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meccah dawn - the cost of a soul lyrics

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[verse: meccah dawn]
today i pray for a miracle
and i ain’t believe in god since i was nine and made it ten years old
momma said i’d be a lost soul
’cause, very young, my heart turned cold
i ain’t know how to react to all the shit that i was facin’
man, half my life complacent the other half erasin’
memories of misery
images of that basement where my daddy blew his brains out
i’m ashamed now
hey, lookin’ in the mirror ’cause i never got the stain out
imagine how i felt when it came out
that he was doin’ things you shouldn’t do to your daughter
somebody please save me, i’m drownin’ in muddy waters
still havin’ nightmares of those fuckin’ news reporters
been runnin’ from my past, but it caught up
now i’m caught up and thinkin’ bout doing things i never thought of
tryna make a fuckin’ dollar with two nickels and a quarter
my dude say he love me but my shit too out of order
helpin’ me to get my buzz back, we shootin’ videos
but all i can do is cry ’cause my sons missin’ they brother
been tryna clear my head, but there’s too much going on
so i’d rather lie in bed, wishin’ that i would die instead
please move, it’s been so i won’t have to strattle
it’s an uphill battle, gotta win the war myself
but it’s a hard fight to fight when the war’s with yourself
screaming out at my reflection, i don’t need your fuckin’ help
got these walls for my protection, closets for my transgressions
and i can barely close ’em, too alright to keep compressin’
and give the war more without the judgment and the cautions
but my shit be kinda deep
sometimes i hide the message ‘tween the lines on these pages
things you’ll never hear or know
but these secrets startin’ to k!ll me, maybe i need to grow
and get it all out, fuckin’ let the rivers flow
my mind’s sayin’ yes, my heart’s sayin’ no
if these demons get ahold of me, what if i lose control?
and mama dukes was right and i am a lost soul
man, what if i lose control?
and mama dukes was right and i am a lost soul

- meccah dawn lyrics

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