mel brooks - the brain lyrics
(fredcrick, students)
student #1:
it’s been said the your grandfather
brought dead tissue back to life,
is that true, dr. frankenstein?
student #2:
it’s been said that your grandfather
created a horrifying monster,
is that true, dr. frankenstein?
student #3:
it’s been said . . .
(spoken)
. . . nay, even sung . . .
(sung)
that your grandfather’s monster
hurt and lamed, killed and maimed,
is that true, dr. frankenstein?
students:
is that true, dr. frankenstein?
is that true, dr. frankenstein?
is that true,
is that true,
is that true,
is that true, dr. frankenstein?
frederick (spoken):
that’s fronkensteen! my name, it’s pr-nounced
fronkensteen! yes, yes, the whole world knows what my
grandfather did. but
please, do i look like the kind of madman who’d prowl
around graveyards, digging up freshly buried corpses?
student #1:
well, professor . . .
frederick:
don’t answer that!
(sung)
i’m not a frankenstein,
i don’t indulge in hijinks
or tomfoolery!
i’m not a frankenstein,
i don’t believe in mummies,
ghosts, or ghoulery!
i deal in fact not fiction,
i am a scientist,
i live for truth and reason,
that’s the reason i exist
(spoken)
there is a vast difference between my crazy
grandfather’s delusional experiments and my own
devotion to pure science. which
leads us directly to the subject of today’s lecture.
(sung)
the brain!
there is nothing like the brain
hearts and lungs are simply tinker toys
when stacked against the brain!
insane!
i’m insane about the brain!
no invention in the universe
is equal to the brain!
the mouth’s a marvel
when it comes to eating,
i’ve nothing against the womb,
i thank the bladder
when i’m excreting,
and i always give the elbow room!
but the brain!
please allow me to explain,
there’s no organ can compare to it,
i swear to it, it’s plain,
it’s the brain . . .
(spoken)
mr. hilltop here, with whom i have never worked nor
given any prior instruction to, has graciously offered
his services for
this afternoon’s demonstration.
(sung)
his medulla oblongata,
tells his brain stem that it’s gotta
send an impulse full of data
which creates a lotta pain.
his frontal lobe gets busy
with a thought that makes him dizzy,
puts his cortex in a tizzy,
so he never will complain,
that’s what i love about the brain!
(spoken)
mr. hilltop, will you raise your left knee, please. you
have just witnessed a voluntary nerve impulse. mr.
hilltop, you
may lower your knee. reflex movements, on the other
hand, are those which are made independently of the
will. why you dirty
rotten yellow son-of-a-bith!
mr. hilltop:
ooooh!
frederick:
even though i almost kneed him
his reflexes have no freedomm
to react when i mistreat him,
it’s important i explain
synaptic nerve connection
goes its way without detection
bringing cranial protection
in a never-endinig chain!
that’s what i love about the brain!
(spoken)
but what if we were to block those nerve impulses by
simply aplying local pressure . . . . . . which can be
done with any
ordinary metal clamp, just at the swelling of the
posterior nerve root . . . for say, oh, four seconds .
. . . . . why you
mother-grabbing b-st-rd! as you can see, even though i
have just smashed my knee into his crotch, he does not
react. he
feels absolutely nothing.
mr. hilltop:
mmmm . . .
frederick:
more or less. so if it were not for this continuous
stream of motor impulses from the brain, we would
collapse . . . . . .
like a bunch . . . of . . . broccoli!
mr. hilltop:
oooooh!
frederick (sung):
and in conclusion,
so there’s no confusion,
let me say it once again,
though your genitalia
has been known to fail ya,
you can bet your -ss on the brain!
(spoken)
everybody!
students (sung):
the brain!
there is nothing like the brain!
it’s the king of our anaotomy
and ever shall it reign!
frederick:
you can call me copernicus,
kepler, or newton,
compare me to freud
i’d feel high-falutin!
call me a darwin,
i love that man’s theory,
call me pasteur
and watch me get teary!
say madame curie,
that would be the best,
call me a rorschach,
i’m up to the test!
i really light up
when you call me edison
call me an erlich,
i like that man’s medicine
call me marconi,
that wireless wow
call me pavlov,
and i’ll bark like a chow
call me an einstein
and that would be fine
if you called me a tesla
i wouldn’t decline
but to call me a frankenstein
would be insane,
cause i love the brain!
students:
his name is fronkensteen
the facts are plain
there is nothing like the brain!
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