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mercury (merc!) - deadnamed. lyrics

[verse 1]
i can’t say i’m surprised all the time
every day, it flashed in my mind all my life
can’t expect anything to be new for me
because who’ll stay to accept my entirety?
what will i expect for the day that i die?
will it change to the way that i wish and wished to be?
will i stay in this h+ll, aren’t i gonna be there?
but i thought god said to love everyone

is it my fault that i listened when i finally went with my first mind for once?
why did the world start attacking me the moment i finally brokе through?
don’t you dare say it isn’t that way
when i’ve been provеn right, i swear it’s always on sight
i fear every day that they push me to want to leave everyone behind

[chorus]
what’s the point if all i’ll get is barely no effort to what i just said?
i wish it couldn’t be true, why can’t i live the way like you get to?
it’s always a question, but never an answer
i don’t even ask, wish i had a necromancer
to transform me, to be happy
but it’s short+lived, they’re only programmed to deadname me
tried to be open
they all stare but don’t ask, just look in hatred
what happened to being nice?
i bet you on my life, you’re guaranteed to cry
swear to do anything to try
all i’ll get is parallel lines, the same person but i know i don’t want this life
[verse 2]
don’t tell me to go back to my old ways
you know when life changes, people can change
and don’t tell me that you wouldn’t like me to be this way
‘cause in a minute i’ll be done with it
and i know this world is gonna try to tell me sh+t
if you don’t like what you see, it’s my life, let me be
but this world loves to focus on things unnecessary
if i don’t exist, why should i have to call myself a misfit?
say that it’s all shoved, but you want a heteronormative
i shouldn’t have to hide, but i’m scared that it’s all i have to give
in the end, who is wrong really?
repeating myself, you’re too blind to make a change
but you focus on the past, so you go to switch the blame
they call it improper, ‘cause technologies evolved
we’re in 1984, existed just to erase it all

[chorus]
what’s the point if all i’ll get is barely no effort to what i just said?
i wish it couldn’t be true, why can’t i live the way like you get to?
it’s always a question, but never an answer
i don’t even ask, wish i had a necromancer
to transform me, to be happy
but it’s short+lived, they’re only programmed to deadname me
tried to be open
they all stare but don’t ask, just look in hatred
what happened to being nice?
i bet you on my life, you’re guaranteed to cry
swear to do anything to try
all i’ll get is parallel lines, the same person but i know i don’t want this life
[bridge]
wow, deadname me because you’re angry
as if i don’t think that i should be fully ashamed of me
what’s your next move? say that “it’s a phase too”?
too young for you, as if i can’t make decisions too
the days never end, did i think it was worth it?
if i go back, i’ll be closer to hang it
try to tell myself, “you’re in your head, don’t overthink this”
but they’ll know in silence, as they are too late to come and fix

- mercury merc lyrics

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