michael rosen (author) - football results/my old man's a dustman lyrics
[football results]
here are the football results
league division fun
manchester united (1)
manchester city lost
crystal palace + (2)
buckingham palace + (1)
everton + (nil)
liverpool’s not very well, either
aldershot + (2)
buffalo bills shot three
wolves + (8) a cheese roll and had a cup of tea too
millwall–leeds nowhere
ipswich (1)
which one?
i don’t know, ask my old man
[my old man’s a dustman]
my old man’s a dustman
he wears a dustman’s hat
he bought two thousand tickets to see a football match, yeah!
fatty passed to skinny
and skinny passed it back
fatty took a rotten shot and knocked the goalie flat, pfft
where was the goalie when the ball was in the net?
halfway up the goalpost with his trousers round his neck
singing
oompa oompa
stick it up your jumper
rule britannia
marmalade and jam
we threw sausages at our old man
well, what happened to him?
poor old fella
well we’re gonna find out
they put him on the stretcher
they put him on the bed
they rub his belly with a five+pound jelly
but the poor old soul was dead
uuuuuuuuggghhhh
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