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mike birbiglia - cracka lyrics

i wanted to be a rapper when i was a kid, it surprises people because i’m a cracker
i’m a cracker -ss, white bread, honkey
that’s right
i like using the word, cracker a little in my act because a lot of black comics use the “n” word, i like using the “c” word like
me and my cracker friends were driving down the street in my volvo stationwagon and i said
“hey cracka p-ss the sunchips,”
and he said
“not ’till we get to the picknick cracker,”
and i say “cracka please.” and he’s like “cracka whaaaaaaat?”
well i said that at a show and a black guy comes up to me and he’s like “my cracker.” and i was like
“actually you can’t call me a cracker only we can call each other crackers you can say cracka, but not cracker.”
he was like, “it’s ok i got white friends and they’re cool with it, so i cooled down.”
i just like doing that voice like, “me and my cracker friends” that’s like my white guy doing a black guy doing a white guy voice
because a lot of black comics have the one white guy voice like, “this is ridiculous.” like we all talk like british detectives
and i don’t know anyone who talks like that
i feel bad for the one guy on earth who does talk like that, and he’s watching those comics on tv
and he’s like, “this is proposterous!
that doesn’t sound like me at all!
wait until i get my hands on that black fella, but first i’m gonna dance.”

- mike birbiglia lyrics

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