milemarker - robotussin lyrics
things have changed in the past few days. fall fell pretty heavily on me, encasing me in a cobwebby mire of low, festering anxiety. i slept all day, got up around four or five, and went to work. a week or so later, i’m walking around and i run into dave and roby at harris t++ter and they talk me into drinking a couple of bottles of robotussin with them. we chug the cough syrup in the bathroom and it makes my mouth sticky and i feel depraved. this is a pretty debased life, walking around in pouring sheets of rain, in slow motion. but north carolina has a nice sky in it’s own way, in winter, at night. (photos and dates may be misplaced) i walk home and on thе way a homeless guy approaches mе and even though i tell him i don’t have any change he pleads, he clutches his bible and so i reach in my pocket and produce a handful of change, all the change i scr+ped up from my room on mallate street and he stares at me without speaking. it’s funny, i guess. well, i won’t make the same mistake twice, i imagine. occasionally, though, it occurs to me how stuck i am, in north carolina. i’ve been here a long time. six months. long enough to start a band. somewhere out there is this place in the future where i’m going to leave again. and i look to that day, i long for that day, i long for that time. i wonder what’s going to become of me. i’m getting older. smaller patterns disappear and are subsumed by bigger patterns. i imagine myself in the future and i try to think what i’ll be like. i’d like to move to europe one day, but it’s a scary prospect, after a lifetime of building a continent of friendships, to throw it all away. but there is liberation, too: the liberation of being born again
decaffeination has been giving me a headache, pounding like a hammer in the movie theatre of ghost images. i’m in new york for no reason. the usual no reason. i drove my father’s car up yesterday, filled to the gills. five kids, one car. we drove fast, it was fun. i don’t know this tune, but the idea seems clear: you only grow through alienating yourself from your surroundings. so why am i here? i don’t know. since i drank that robotussin things haven’t been quite the same. it’s funny that i live on a lane. last night we had a run in with a huge rat. it’s not clear what happened: somehow it died underneath the stove. everything that could be wrong with this house is just completely wrong
the night before i left, i went to a party. it was weird. she’s nice, but not much like me. she does have a casio sk+1 in perfect condition, which i must under all circumstances keep in mind. it could come in handy later. that’s the problem with being anti+materialist: you become hyper+materialist around the edges
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