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moc - wisdom never sober lyrics

verse 1 (labor)

breathin’ heavy, seed is sprouted through conception
adolescent teen who’s only motto was undressin’
eucharist distributed by her mother on sundays
who’s only goal alone was to get her daughter in heaven

if only, they knew the challenges that would ensue
and test the faith of both as they grew colder and they drew
further from each other, morals swapped, and here’s a clue
that a pregnancy unplanned is just enough for faith to bruise

momma’s slavin’, tryna find a house to raisе
her child, cause the baby’s fathеrs never in the page
18 years and pregnant, it’s depression, guilt, and shame
that starts to cloud her days, but through the rain, there lies a ray

of sunshine, that’s shining so bright, within her belly
she feels her baby kickin’ everyday, it’s her melody
but momma’s momma ain’t see it the same, her views is deadly and distorted
so instead of life, she’s pushing for abortion

ironic cause she always votes republican at polls
pro+life with no exception, can’t neglect your moral code
so why all of a sudden did her views begin to fold
is it ‘cause the one who’s pregnant is the child she beholds?
“swear, if you don’t k!ll this baby, you won’t have a home!
embarrassed me, yo’ family, and everyone you know!
and if yo’ dad was still alive, then he would have a stroke
if you have this child, find a new fam’ly to call yo’ own!”

“well, that don’t matter, cause with this fetus, i’ll start my own!
’n no one has control of me, my body, or my dome!
you hypocritical manipulated individual who’s visuals
are clouded to degrees you’ll never know!”

ego is the enemy, disease affects them both
for mother of the child, it’s loud, but not as bold
she knew her moms obsession with heaven wasn’t a goal
she just cared for the acceptance of outsiders from they home

but, see, she wasn’t blamin’ her, ‘cause she was guilty too
she worried of the popular consensus from her crew
but pregnancy had changed her maturity it grew reverse reverb
a recession would pursue, and her perception could renew

for wisdom, a name that doesn’t relate to her wisdom
since child, she was cursed for givin’ birth, but she’s a victim
a similar predicament is what she was in, she sees the end
the beginning, but she feels that she can’t breathe again
cause everything she didn’t want to happen has occurred
she tried her best to be a loving mother, she observed:
the little things and dances that she’d catch her daughter glancing at
it scared her so she sheltered her to avoid yahweh’s hurt

she never thought her daughter would grow up without a father
and now her daughter’s daughter, or son, will follow suit
she prayed that god would keep her on the path of faithful hues
now she’s following the curses that were set by those who ruled

previous generations, she sees her daughter’s boldness
she’s envious, despite affirmations she don’t want it
so both of them had parted, and they ended where they started
disagreement of her choice
choice of life, and choice of hardship

and though this is the first choice that mother really shared
or had to call her own, because the others ain’t appear
to be her own, but rather forceful guidance that established
results of old religion enforcing her own bad habits

she questioned if the choice that she was going with was hers
did she really want this delivery to occur?
‘cause when you think about it, it’s this baby she’s gon’ serve
for/four more years, than her own body’s lived upon this earth
but now, she cannot question
as time moves into fragments
her water broke, oh no! they called her mother when it happened

+voicemail+
“hi, yes, is this wisdom? yeah, your daughters giving birth and we’re afraid she might not make it”

she had a final chance to see her daughter, and she blew it!
she didn’t wanna push, ma’ ain’t wanna be a nuisance
but now they sayin’ push, ‘n every push she gives, she’s losin’
herself within this battle, she views an end conclusion
and every melody replayed, her soul mother is brusin’
this battle she ain’t winnin’, and she’s through with abusin’
her body as her bpm belows a normal crusin’

and finally she pushes, her final push, producin’
a baby boy delivered, tears of joy then turn to gasps
nurse screamin’ turns to music
cause life and death influenced
mother’s final decision when her breathe became her last
when this baby had slipped, ain’t even get to name it
changes in wisdom, her daughter slipped between her grasp
so now, n0body wins, mother’s soul will not descend
for her new life to begin, it took her old one to pass…

chorus (prayer)

uh
dear father, who’s kingdom is terrain
tell me why no answer when i’m calling on your name?
you’ve risen, though i’ve fallen, it’s temptation that we claim
left me here for dead, you treat us all the same

dear father, you persecute my brain
why you never bother tryna heal my lonely pain?
universal knowledge, though it’s catholic i’ve abolished
you know it’s only bad times i’ve seen throughout this phase

verse 2 (adolescence)

“i hate you!” but i love you
“i hate you!” wisdom, why?
is your anger taken out on me, i just arrived?

14 years of age, and it’s been nothing but demise
ever since i was brought in this world, my body, you despised
is it ‘cause my birth brought hurt and anger, ‘tween the line?
that you declined w/ the woman on the other side
i heard her death brought shame more than the pregnancy surprise
it’s the reason why you cry deep hours late within the night

so every time that you’re looking deep within my eyes
there’s a moment when the time seems to stop and scenes arise
it hurts you more than anything, despair it takes a stride to your side as you realize that it’s mothers you see in mine

and mothers in my mind when i lay, or when i blink
when i’m at school ; they always say how mother was a sk+nk
she sucked inside the bathroom, caught bodies in the field
they make motions that they’re raping her w/ m+ffled moans and squeals

and n0body defends me, the teachers even laugh
it seems that more than one of them had mother in their grasp
my counselor even told it was mother that was passed
more times around than cheers and shouts within stadium stands

so if i am the child of a sl+t and of a wh0re
then does that mean the antichrist is likely what she bore?
precisely
well, not the antichrist to be precise
just the incarnate of evil, and all that opposites nice

well, according to you, wisdom, this what you scream!
when you have episodes and divinely inspired dreams
and you see visions of your daughter burning deep in h+ll
it’s her sobbing wails you hear, and burning rotting flesh you smell

or is that just the future that you see your body in?
eternally in hades where the ladies seem to swim in the river of styx
tryna catch they first glimpse
of the new world that they left behind, when their time had thinned

well, either way it doesn’t matter, cause it’s not real!
but what is real is when you hit me and it’s blood i feel
you grieve, me lies and you make my skin bleed
a slap upon my face then leads to starving me from needs
like meals, and water till your anxiety heals
and you hug me close, and promise hate is never what you’ll feed
towards me, again, – pleading for a second chance
you show me that you love me like when you made weekend plans

for just the two of us and we had fun, and i forgave
and you saw more than your daughter till you stared in my gaze
and then you were set off and something in your mind switched
and you went back to coppin’ with weed, and henny sipped

and meth; you turned, and i felt like i was the issue
since elementary school this cycle of despair continued
was constantly afraid, so i’d stay late, not to offend you but
you were a beast, and i was the only prey on the menu

avoid you so much but all this hate began to stay
my empathy turned ‘morseful, at this stage and burst to rage
a journal quickly filled and you outlined every page
tears maimed, my face, i’d open up and i would say:

chorus (affirmation)

wisdom’s never sober, copes with marijuana odor
turnin’ deadly, ups the usage steadily
now she’s growin’ colder

wisdom’s never sober
rebos reven s’modsiw
wisdom’s never sober
re+rebos reven s’modsiw

wisdom’s never sober, now i’m counting down till may
i brought a new revolver, imma shoot her dead someday
wisdom’s never sober
rebos reven s’modsiw
wisdom’s never sober
re+rebos reven s’modsiw

final verse (birth)

gun he’s loadin’ to the brim as he walks around
he keeps openin’ up the clip, the bullets sparkin’ now
he waits for wisdom to fall asleep, but she’s talkin’ loud
lonely now, only death awaits them, so he slowly drowns

cause see, he thinkin’, “if i k!ll her, i’m gon’ be in prison
’n i’m gon’ be a slave to companies who’s profit driven
by forced labor, that i cannot escape from
so i would rather die, i don’t see my life playin’ greater

’n if i die by my own hand, that means a real n+gga k!lled me
’n real n+ggas don’t ask no one for favors
n0body savin’ me, even if they could +
why would they? i’m only gonna disappoint them later

be quiet, shh, no talkin’ out from the other sound
maybe wisdom she fell asleep, i guess the time is now
he holds the metal in his hands, new confidence he found
’n slowly walkin’ to her bed, this sin his soul is bound

he’s closin’ in, doors openin’, now he’s closin’ it
should he finish this mission, it’s gon’ be his lowest sin
but what he sees, it makes him stop, his light is growing dim
wisdom with her own revolver, loaded, locked in onto him!

can hardly breath, ‘n honestly he can hardly think +
“you put that down or i’m shootin’ faster than you can blink!”
he lowers the weapon until it’s layin’ on the floor
cause he needs time; maybe this action can buy somemore

before he knows it, for the first time, his life flashin’
and he sees ev’ry memory in life that’s ever happened
life wasn’t ‘sposed to be like this, it’s worse than he imagined
i guess it’s only she to blame, how his life was impacted

wisdom’s eyes tell a story she can never tell
her mouth openin’ up to speak, but only screams prevail
she widens the chamber, and lets the bullets fly and sail
except for one, she keepin’, leaves her hand ‘round the tail

“this is just how i saw it, i saw you walkin’
saw you tryin’ to k!ll me, these demons revealed yo’ plottin’
know you stayin’ up later on purpose ‘cause you was watchin’
watchin’ my every move, you was tryna view when the time was

right for you to k!ll me
right for you to steal me away from everybody who loves me, swear you the issue!
i point this weapon at yo’ chest, ’n hopefully it’ll hit you
but if it doesn’t, then it is my turn, see if i’ll get through

+cl!ck+ you’ll never understand the knowledge i was burdened with
never understand i had to do it all alone again
never comprehend how every action you’d demand was further haunting me
because i had to relive what i lost again

never wanted to be yo’ mom, i hope you understand that
you k!lled my daughter and she picked you over me instead
i know she saw her death, told me she saw all of it
how havin’ you would mean her life gets taken, death would come collect

’n i saw mine ‘n my mother yeah she saw hers too
’n when her time was runnin’ thin, resentment ‘tween us grew
she started hatin’ me, ’n said i was a disappointment
’n when i gave my life to christ was in deep times of mournin’

i knew that god would forgive me ’n he could break this curse
’n so i raised yo’ mother deeply in the womb of church
but satan pulled her from me, ’n through her death came birth
slowly hurt, realizin’ i can’t escape what he returned

+cl!ck+ i play this game because i’m drainin’ out
’n with each trigger pulled, + i’m tryna change destiny
i’ll lose the rest of me, by runnin’ from this treachery
so i’m surrenderin’ to fate if that is what my god allows

’n i’m so tired of havin’ my soul tied to mo’ lies
that i can’t even lie myself
so when i tell you that you made my life a livin’ h+ll
just really know i mean it sincerely ’n mean it well
i see you hatin’ clearly, i see you hatin’ yourself
see you failin’ yo’ classes and lettin’ yo’ brain melt
gettin’ high every weekend to cover the pain felt
w/ the trauma that i’ve given ’n trauma that i’ve dealt

+cl!ck+… these might be my last words ;
’n if these my last words, i really hope you make it
i hope you make somethin’ of the child that i once hated
’n with you risin’ to the top, that’s gonna come with patience

’n once you at the top, ’n at the height of yo’ career
i hope you start to fall, ’n yo’ death it will reign near
you entered this world as a k!ller ’n i fear
that tonight you would’ve left it as a k!lla’, that’s why you here

that’s why you entered, before i had to interfere
’n you ain’t gonna leave this earth w/o this curse upon you
we’re more alike than you think, you’ll follow me in death
by the same hand that’s gonna +gunshot+

overview / summary

listener, if you are here i thank you for your ear
i hope i painted these pictures you hear so vividly
the aura i made, these thoughts a recollection
of a saint neglected, pure and innocent like any child be

‘n sorry to ruin+the+party, but if you haven’t peeped
the lil’ homie within the story you hear is me
saw wisdom bleed, as her brains covered the tv screen
cops came over ‘n they saw the gun, thought it was me!

the story there doesn’t matter
what matters is that ever since that night a piece of wisdom never left my side
’n as the days grew nearer, her presence grew clearer:
was overwhelmin’, slowly seeped into my mind

i hope you find the followin’ tale, is worth tellin’
cause your immortal soul is somethin’ never worth sellin’
cause you’ll end up like me, burdened with a heavy toll
listen as i tell you how i came to meet reficul

- moc lyrics

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