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momus - a complete history of penis envy, sizes 24-29 lyrics

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i’m jealous of the men whose p-n-ses are larger than my p-n-ses
and i’m jealous of the men whose p-n-ses are so enormous they outstrip all average p-n-ses
i’m even jealous of the men whose p-n-ses are slightly smaller than mine
a complete history of p-n-s envy, sizes 24-29

i’m jealous of the women whose slightly protuberant cl-torises p-ss for p-n-ses bigger than mine
i’m jealous of the men who measure the p-n-ses of the men whose p-n-ses reach size 29
and my only consolation for p-n-s envy would be to write a bitter and twisted little song
called ‘a complete history of p-n-s envy, sizes 24-29’

i once saw a man whose p-n-s was so big he had to wheel it around in a wheelbarrow
and i used to think it wasn’t what you got but how you used it that mattered, but now i don’t know
and if you see me one day muttering, shabby and mad in the doorway with a paper bag round a bottle of wine
just put it down to p-n-s envy, sizes 24-29

- momus lyrics

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