momus - bus inspector bill lyrics
naked widow lil took bus inspector bill
into her bedroom monday afternoon at midnight
pointed up and said
“up on the moon there is a stop
where all the passengers on top
of buses can look in and see
my husband lying dead upon the bed”
well bill said “are you kidding me?”
and lil said “no, just come and see
lie down with me, but first take off your clothes
to spare us any fuss”
and the moon looked strange and foreign
charlie’s ghost appeared and saw them
but bill reserved decorum saying
“it’s alright, i’m just waiting for a bus”
and the day that charlie passed away
lil was there to hear him say
“i’ve been unfaithful to you
in every known position, my dear”
she whispered, “darling, never mind
i knew it all the time, that’s why
i’ve put nine thousand milligrams
of +rs+nic trioxide in your beer”
and charlie’s nose was broken once
his grandfather had spoken once
with romy schneider’s voice
as an extra in the seven year itch
he was taking her bikini wax
as medicine for heart attacks
he’d actually collapse and really die
every time romy hit the beach
lil sent charlie’s ghost down
to the butcher’s shop to steal a ghastly mutton chop
because she had no money
and would die if she didn’t eat
“i’m sorry ghost,” the butcher said
“but take a whole lamb’s head instead
the eyes alone will see you ghost
see you through the week”
and the day that charlie passed away
lil was there to hear him say
“i’ve been unfaithful to you
in every known position, lili dear”
she said, “charlie, darling, never mind
i knew it all the time, that’s why
i’ve put nine thousand milligrams
of +rs+nic trioxide in your beer”
so naked widow lil took bus inspector bill
into her bedroom monday afternoon at midnight
pointed up and said
“up on the moon there is a stop
where all the passengers on top
of lunar buses can look in and see
my husband lying dead”
and the moon was strange and livid
and charlie’s ghost was vivid
and bill thought for a minute and said
“charlie, i was dying for a friend”
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