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monty python - australian table wines lyrics

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good evening! for the first time, on record, a 29 part
adoptation of king solomon’s mines — wines, sorry,
wines — king solomon’s wines.

a lot of people in this country pooh-pooh australian
table wines. this is a pity, as many fine australian
wines appeal not only to the australian palette, but
also to the cognoscenti of great britain.

“black stump bordeaux” is rightly praised as a
peppermint flavoured burgundy, whilst a good “sydney
syrup” can rank with any of the world’s best sugary
wines.

“chateau bleu”, too, has won many prizes; not least for
its taste, and its lingering afterburn.

“old smokey, 1968” has been compared favourably to a
welsh claret, whilst the australian wino society
thouroughly recommends a 1970 “coq du rod laver”,
which, believe me, has a kick on it like a mule: 8
bottles of this, and you’re really finished — at the
opening of the sydney bridge club, they were fishing
them out of the main sewers every half an hour.

of the sparkling wines, the most famous is “perth
pink”. this is a bottle with a message in, and the
message is beware!. this is not a wine for drinking —
this is a wine for laying down and avoiding.

another good fighting wine is “melbourne old-and-
yellow”, which is particularly heavy, and should be
used only for hand-to-hand combat.

quite the reverse is true of “chateau chunder”, which
is an appelachian controle, specially grown for those
keen on regurgitation — a fine wine which really opens
up the sluices at both ends.

real emetic fans will also go for a “hobart muddy”, and
a prize winning “cuiver reserve chateau bottled nuit
san wogga wogga”, which has a bouquet like an aborigine
armpit.

- monty python lyrics

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