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mouse on the keys - shapeless man (feat. jordan dreyer of la dispute) lyrics

“the vivid boy”, she whispered. “the shapeless man”.)

days of disappearance i ghost alone half-sleeping toward market street
blend into a northwest fog the color of ash to watch the ships from ballard bridge

in dreams i fade upward
head sky-bound and evaporate
collecting in the heavy low clouds above me
particle by particle
becoming rain, becoming nothing
to fall
down into the water below
swept up in the currents flowing
carried toward the open ocean mouth
alone
where i will like any other wave crest and dissipate into a greater one than i
be swallowed in a body not my own
without frame and drift weightlessly among everything else
lost forever without shape
in sp-ces i once swam through

but you

you are still an image vivid
and from the bridge i see you in every ship split water wide open
float on that formless indefinite m-ss
where in all of my visions i have disintegrated
pixel by pixel into nothingness
or else i am still my body
and you are the bridge itself
holding me up above that cold abyss
somehow despite everything i did
selfless with your stress and mine

but it should not be your responsibility to hold me up there or to bear any wight beyond your own
to be anxious in all ways and compensate for a faith i lacked in me not to break when i bent but i did
because i was a waste and you were too patient with me too kind
waiting for a shape to form
returning again and again inexplicably to restore by hand what i once was and you knew somehow
but it never should have been your responsibility to fix me
not now not ever
so why did you?

i should be the mist that shrouds the mountain range around you
chased out with the winter when the spring comes in
you should have let me fade
and be separated particle by particle swirling in the ocean waves
bodies aimless drifting without end again
shapeless as the day that we first met

(days of disappearance i go and do not go anywhere without you
settle in both low clouds and the flowers in our garden home
my silhouette a fixture on the kitchen bricks)

- mouse on the keys lyrics

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