mr. master - the syllabus lyrics
[verse 1: mr. master]
okay cl-ss
i’m sure you all had a wonderful time over summer vacation
and i’m sure you had just as fun of a time finding parking
but it’s time for us to get back in the rhythm of being in cl-ss so
as you know, our campus’s lead architect was mc escher
so new students tend to get lost at first
let’s make sure we’re all in the right cl-ss
this is ultra 101: intro to novelty
oh! there’s always one!
don’t worry, common freshman mistake
you’ll get used to the campus within the next several days
just go up to the downstairs office and they’ll help you out
so everybody’s here who needs to be here right? good
then we can start everyone’s favorite pastime:
going over the syllabus
my name is gabriel jacob luansing
you’ll call me mr. master because i told you to
our cl-ss meets monday thru friday from 9:00am to 5:00pm
you’re all full-time students, aren’t you? so it’s fine
my office hours are on sat-rday and sunday
from 9:00am to 9:04am
and you’re only allowed in if you can pick the lock on my door
the textbook we’ll be using is called with amus-m-nt for all
it’s by leroy ashby
and it covers the history of american popular culture since 1830
i highly recommend that you buy it from our bookstore
so you can pay three times as much as the original price
it is 700 pages long, and i expect you to read
the whole thing front to back one time every night
we’ll be discussing everything in the book everyday
so please do your reading
now, this cl-ss is about novelty
and when people think of the world “novelty,”
they usually think of
novelty songs, novelty t-shirts, novelty plastic dog cr-p
and they tend to -ssociate the word “novelty”
with the word “comedy.”
and the two are related but they are not synonymous
the definition of the word “novelty” is the state of being new
and as we’ll see in this cl-ss
everything in american pop culture was, at one point, brand new
but as you’ll also learn
things can only ever be new once
things come, things go, things are born, things die
and we’ll be tracing this cycle
going from new to normal to nonexistent
for every piece of american culture
from the late nineteenth century to today
we’ll see how things change
and how some things stay exactly the same
now every friday at the end of cl-ss
you’ll have a ten-page essay due
applying of that week’s material
to a subject of your choosing
so you can have a lot of fun with that
and make your own historical connections
i’ve gotten some very creative essays from students in the past
things like
“how the simpsons predicted the entire 21st century,”
“who would win gold if the olympics was only cereal mascots?”
“why bell bottom jeans are the reason
why watergate was uncovered”
“f-ck, marry, k!ll: jesus, mary, and joseph,” and many many others
and yes, this is how your grade will be determined
our -ssignment calendar is attached at the back
alright, cl-ssroom policy
phones: all the way up. food: bring it in. shoes: optional
smoking is allowed in the smoking section of the room only
no bathroom breaks
and last but not least: don’t be an -sshole. please
and i think that’s it. oh, if you’re on the waitlist or crashing
if you still want to take this cl-ss after what you’ve just heard
just show up. if not, leave
i’m not gonna stand here and teach
students who don’t want to be taught
so please drop the course
now for those of you who want to major in ultra
welcome to your next four years
alright, this is the only time i will be taking attendance
so please listen up:
[verse 2: mr. master]
aardvark. (here)
ackbar. (here)
borschtbelt. (here)
bueller. (here) oh!
chemdawg. (here)
diaghilev. (here)
epona. (-raspberry-)
federline. (heezy)
galilei. (i’ma here-a!)
hamburglar. (robble robble)
ionesco. (here)
juiceman. (aye! okay!)
kaczynski. (here)
lipschitz. (here)
mapplethorpe. (here)
nonsense?
no nonsense
oakridge. (here)
patinkin. (here)
quetzalcoatl. (present)
rauschenberg. (here)
shamalamadingdong. (here)
thugnificent. (here)
ubermensch. (here)
vsauce. (hey!)
wimblywombly. (here)
xvidéos. (it’s actually pr-nounced-)
yentlmarmelstein. (here)
and zzyzxx. (here)
[outro: mr. master]
alright
well, why don’t we get started?
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