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mushy mustard - how a mime ruined christmas lyrics

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[intro: stir, mustard, sample]
every year, i swear
i wanna have a normal christmas
and mimes ruin it every time
why, what happened?
now will you tell us the story
of the most horrible christmas ever?

[verse 1: stir]
every day i go outside, i see a mime in the same place
rain, snow, or shine, gotta slap him in his lame face
this year for christmas, i don’t want any presents
i’m only asking for the stupid mime to get beheaded
that mime won’t survive this twelve twenty+five
i’ll hide in a pine tree ’til he arrives
then i’ll dive from the top and i’ll chop off his head
nonstop ’til his face paint is stained blood red
but instead, i’m waiting in the cold snow all night
after sundown i shoulda known something wasn’t right
stupid mime picked today of all days to take a break
gotta wait ’til next year because of his mistake
i wrote to santa after, and he hasn’t responded
k!lling that mime was the only thing i wanted
some holiday murder, it’s nothing malicious
now it’s too late, that’s how a mime ruined christmas
[interlude: sample]
i hope you stab that mime with a knife

[chorus 1: stir]
i’m dreaming of a white christmas
without a bunch of mimes to bother me
because when you have a white christmas
there’s no mimes, because they suck

[interlude: mustard, stir]
wait, bring that beat back
yeah?
that story made me think of how mimes ruined my christmas

[verse 2: mustard]
i sent santa claus a letter asking him for a mercedes
to drive around town while impressing all the ladies
i was good all year, there’s no way i’m getting coal
with a new ride, time to get inside somebody’s b+tthole
christmas arrives, i jump out of bed to check the living room
for a new mercedes, i assume
my stocking was filled with all the other stuff i asked for
i look under the tree, there’s a giant box on the floor
yes, about the size of an automobile
i didn’t believe it either, but i’m telling you it’s real
then i finally open up the present and realize
it’s not a mercedes, it’s a box full of mimes
they all jump out at once, think it’s time to kick some asses
santa claus, you’re getting old, time to get new glasses
how do you read “mercedes” and think it says “mimes”?!
you gotta fix this mess, mimes ruin christmas
[interlude: samples]
that’s the story of the most horrible christmas ever
ha ha ha, what a story
and now, we invite you and yours
to join in a very special holiday singalong
with our mime!
+gunshots+
+applause+

[chorus 2: stir, mustard]
here comes slippy the mime
he’s gonna make me frown
if you wanna make a mime die
then that’s a job for me
i’m gonna make this mime die
watch me, one two, three

[interlude: mustard, stir]
that sounds like cr+p
okay, let’s move on to the next song
what do you mean it sounds like cr+p?
it sounds like total garbage

[outro: stir, mustard, mustard & stir, sample]
deck the mime in the face with my fist
la la la la la la la la la
jingle bells, (wait) all mimes smell
santa’s not a mime (that sucks)
one mime named slippy
had a very stupid face
so i wish he died and got put inside
of a box no one escapes
can’t get out of the mime box
can’t get out of the mime box
can’t get out of the mime box
can’t get out of the mime box
can’t get out of the mime box



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