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mushy mustard - the war (on mimes) lyrics

[intro: samples]
for years, the government and the media
have been covering up the fact
that there is a violent gang war going on
between clowns and mimes
those mute b+st+rds are evil
+gunshots+
i’m sorry, i don’t speak mime

[verse 1: mustard, stir]
since like ’75 we’ve been together hating mimes
we spend our spare time dissing them in our rhymes
but the fact is we need help putting mimes in caskets
team up with some other clowns and put them to thе task
it shouldn’t be difficult to get them on our sidе
all clowns agree mimes shouldn’t be alive
we send out mail, check the yellow pages
and call some pals that we haven’t seen in ages
[interlude: mustard]
hey, uh, this is j (ask him about mimes)
uh, i know we haven’t spoken in a while
but i just wanted to know if you’d like to, uh
k!ll some mimes with me
(and me) and sh+ggy
call me back if you get this, uh

[verse 2: mustard, stir]
dang, not as much aid as i wished
n0body wants to enlist, and i’m p+ssed
but i won’t let defeat get me down
seek out some new faces, clowns from outta town
next week, we have all we need
enough on our team to proceed, then we meet
more mimes than we’ve ever seen before
so now it’s time to attack, it’s the war (on mimes)

[chorus: mustard, stir, and xminusx]
war on mimes, it’s the war on mimes
war on mimes, it’s the war on mimes

[interlude: sample]
and it’s not about turf or anything silly like that
it’s this war over conflicting comedy styles
[verse 3: mustard, stir]
dead mimes is what i wanna see
inflate a whole bag of balloons, then i sneak
up to a mime, and i tie them to his feet
he floats off into the sky, time to die
but he thinks quickly and saves his life
and he cuts the strings with an invisible knife
falls down, lands on his feet like a cat
by a clown with his hands on a louisville bat
now i see mimes with invisible guns
i got one as well, only mine is more fun
pointed at a mime’s head, time to dump lead
“bang” is what it said on a flag that popped out instead
then i pull out a giant box fan
aim it toward a mime, and he tries to walk, man
he can’t get past the wind, and he flies away, gone
but then i realize the fan wasn’t turned on
i’ll do anything i can to assist an attack
made a “kick me” sign, put it on a mime’s back
i brought a whole notebook, we can make more
these mimes don’t know what’s in store, it’s the war (on mimes)

[chorus: mustard, stir, xminusx]
war on mimes, it’s the war on mimes
war on mimes, it’s the war on mimes
[interlude: sample]
many lives have been lost on both sides
many innocent bystanders have been k!lled

[verse 4: xminusx]
if you’re not a clown, you can come and get it (yeah)
we k!lled so many mimes, we broke a record at guinness (word?)
if you’re creepin’ ‘round my hood, best believe you’re gettin’ hurt
i’ll slap ya so hard, i’ll knock the stripes out ya shirt
’round here it’s clowns up and always mimes down
so you can kick rocks all the way back to mime town
we got many many ways to exterminate mime vermin
yeah, we got a thousand methods with some yet to be determined
we’ll do a drive by, thirty clowns in a fiat (yeah)
and every single one is just bustin’ off shots
i’ll put a silencer on my gat, just for the sake of irony
then shoot ya in the face, just because i think it’s funny
we’ll toss ya in an empty pool and laugh while you pretend to drown (ooh)
or hold you down and carve your face into a wicked clown
i know your thing is silence, but we can make you scream (ah!)
with the right tools, it’s easier than it seems (uh)
we’re committing war crimes on mimes, but they ain’t sayin’ sh+t
so we won’t do time, yup, we’ll just get away with it (ha)
wack mime b+tches done run out of luck
marcel marceau, what? we don’t give a f+ck!

[pre+chorus: xminusx]
come and get it, you hamburglar+looking motherf+ckers!
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[chorus: mustard, stir, and xminusx, xminusx]
war on mimes, it’s the war on mimes
war on mimes, it’s the war on mimes
war on mimes, it’s the war on mimes
war on mimes, it’s the war on mimes
war on mimes, it’s the war on mimes
war on mimes, it’s the war on mimes

[outro: samples]
you know those little french clowns
that kinda just like do this sh+t on the side of the road
and they kinda just mimic everything they see?
well, what if they see a dog p+ssing?
are they just gonna, like
whip it out in the middle of nowhere and take a p+ss?
like, no one wants to see that
even if they mime whipping it out, like
who the f+ck decided that a silent clown would be funny?
mimes are stupid
clowns are better

[skit: samples]
but one of the things that people always wanna know is
“what’s the difference between a clown and a mime?”
now, a mime will have+ the makeup will look like
sh+t!

- mushy mustard lyrics

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