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mystery science theater 3000 - godzilla genealogy bop lyrics

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[crow t. robot]
i’m confused. uh, just who is this godzilla guy?

[tom servo]
yes, wise one. please, teach us

[joel robinson]
i don’t know if you’re ready for this

[tom/crow]
oh, please mr. joel. please! come on. please! please! please! please! please!

[joel]
okay, my little robot friends, but we only p-ss this way once. this is called the “godzilla genealogy bop.” would you hit it, professor cambot?

in order to know godzilla, we’ve got to look into his past

[crow]
you know studying genealogy is gonna be a blast

[joel]
ah, you’ve got it little robot pal, we’re swinging into high

[tom]
come on, let’s cut to the chase you couple of geeks
and get to the family tree!

[crow]
huh?

[joel]
well, it started with a nuclear blast and pets that were released

[tom]
oh, like–

[tom/crow]
–baby alligators and other nasty beasts?

[joel]
right
the fusion reaction caused them to grow a thousand times their size

[tom]
oh

[crow]
well, that explains godzilla’s attractive tail and thunderous thighs!

[joel]
right

[tom]
ah!

[joel]
now you’re getting it little buddy–

[crow]
ah!

[joel]
–but now we must move on

[tom]
uh huh

[joel]
godzilla’s not the only one to benefit from the a-bomb

[tom]
yeah, look, there’s aunty ness from scotland’s loch, they married in the spring
and their first-born was godzooky, and now we begin to sing!

[crow]
godzookie went to hollywood, an agent to the stars
he had an affair with lorna luft and smoked those big cigars

[tom]
and outta the l-sty luft affair ron perlman resulted. huh

[joel]
you know, surgery was considered for him, but n0body was consulted!
oh, i did it again

[crow]
then ron met yoko ono, and they began to sp-wn
a couple of hundred horrible things as green as forest lawn

[tom]
there they are: there’s kermit the frog
the swamp thing, hulk, and ernest borgnine too!

[crow]
but ernest borgnine isn’t green!

[tom]
well ya put him on a boat and he is!

[joel/crow]
what?

[tom]
hey! who’s that at the bottom, a-wallowin’ in his shame?

[crow]
oh, that’s just steve guttenberg of police academy fame

[tom]
huh

[joel]
to wrap it up, the worst mutation…

[crow]
no, you don’t suppose?!

[tom]
oh, yes it is, the horror of horrors–

[tom/crow]
–karl malden’s nose!

- mystery science theater 3000 lyrics

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