mystery science theater 3000 - godzilla genealogy bop lyrics
[crow t. robot]
i’m confused. uh, just who is this godzilla guy?
[tom servo]
yes, wise one. please, teach us
[joel robinson]
i don’t know if you’re ready for this
[tom/crow]
oh, please mr. joel. please! come on. please! please! please! please! please!
[joel]
okay, my little robot friends, but we only p-ss this way once. this is called the “godzilla genealogy bop.” would you hit it, professor cambot?
in order to know godzilla, we’ve got to look into his past
[crow]
you know studying genealogy is gonna be a blast
[joel]
ah, you’ve got it little robot pal, we’re swinging into high
[tom]
come on, let’s cut to the chase you couple of geeks
and get to the family tree!
[crow]
huh?
[joel]
well, it started with a nuclear blast and pets that were released
[tom]
oh, like–
[tom/crow]
–baby alligators and other nasty beasts?
[joel]
right
the fusion reaction caused them to grow a thousand times their size
[tom]
oh
[crow]
well, that explains godzilla’s attractive tail and thunderous thighs!
[joel]
right
[tom]
ah!
[joel]
now you’re getting it little buddy–
[crow]
ah!
[joel]
–but now we must move on
[tom]
uh huh
[joel]
godzilla’s not the only one to benefit from the a-bomb
[tom]
yeah, look, there’s aunty ness from scotland’s loch, they married in the spring
and their first-born was godzooky, and now we begin to sing!
[crow]
godzookie went to hollywood, an agent to the stars
he had an affair with lorna luft and smoked those big cigars
[tom]
and outta the l-sty luft affair ron perlman resulted. huh
[joel]
you know, surgery was considered for him, but n0body was consulted!
oh, i did it again
[crow]
then ron met yoko ono, and they began to sp-wn
a couple of hundred horrible things as green as forest lawn
[tom]
there they are: there’s kermit the frog
the swamp thing, hulk, and ernest borgnine too!
[crow]
but ernest borgnine isn’t green!
[tom]
well ya put him on a boat and he is!
[joel/crow]
what?
[tom]
hey! who’s that at the bottom, a-wallowin’ in his shame?
[crow]
oh, that’s just steve guttenberg of police academy fame
[tom]
huh
[joel]
to wrap it up, the worst mutation…
[crow]
no, you don’t suppose?!
[tom]
oh, yes it is, the horror of horrors–
[tom/crow]
–karl malden’s nose!
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