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mzm - now what lyrics

[verse 1]
i rise in the morning, waking up to a riddle
regret on my mind, but i’m stuck in the middle
things that i could do, things i did though
my brain always takes me back when it was simple
but gotta move forward, put the trophy on the mantle
cause god never gives you nothing you can’t handle
i done been across the world, my life’s an odyssey
mecca and medina, been where people die to see
my name i don’t deserve and to me it’s unfortunate
so when i say my name, i abbreviate or shorten it
ask how i feel and i’ll say i’m indifferent
but i hope you don’t judge me, cause we all sin different
open up a bit, so y’all can get to know me
this the reintroduction, i’m grown, i’m not my old me
with that said, lemme pour my heart on this pavement
and answer ‘fore u ask, show what the next phase is
now what

[verse 2]
lemme take a second here to talk to my friends
cause where things end is where they often begin
rainier, erwin, ronald, matthew
don evoua, shabaz, skor this directed at you
carlos, chino one ton, tom, erik estrada
mike kaput, don’t mean to forget my partners
so if y’all think i’m weird, i deserve it
it wasn’t intentional, when i became a hermit
depressions a motherf-cker, cause a downfall
i was poison, tell me how i’m supposed to be around y’all
as a man, if i cried, y’all would poke fun at it
cause all we did was joke around like some dumb -sses
i’m trying to man up, hanging on by a thread
every night, sittin in the dark, wishing i was dead
but i’m doing better now fam, so what i’m gon’ say
where the f-ck were y’all, the phone goes both ways
even if my number changed, back in the spot
i wasn’t hard to find, google chattin with shot
that time i was away, new bonds was made unique
with tapia, safik, even though we barely speak
rob and margo hagiu, i ain’t forget about you
thank you for everything and years we went thru
rob you on these beats, and i speak from the soul
it’s taking tolls, no one knows the struggle making this dope
we all adults here, so i speak with honestness
i keep it a buck, this ain’t a backhanded compliment
and on this final thought, it’s all love for one another
like it or not, we still brothers
now what
[verse 3]
all i really want’s a smile that’s not a cover up
i just wanna be happy and not cover up
and act like i’m fine when that’s far from the truth
when inside my mind, i wanna jump off of a roof
you know how much time, how much money i spent?
wasted it on bullsh-t with different intent
all this material sh-t with no purpose
so i’m starin at my watches and my car like it’s worthless
no time for enemies, i’m thinking of my health
no time to battle, i’m busy beefing with myself
step out the shadows, ain’t trying to hide no more
ain’t trying to die no more, ain’t trying to suicide no more
i scratched the surface, but lemme get personal
moms gettin’ sicker, sister spinning off of vertigo
staring at they kids, i love ’em like they come from me
my nieces are queens, my nephew’s all sons to me
omar was born when my demons started creeping
them times i wanted to die, he was my voice of reason
imagine not hearing this, with me not breathing
i’m here by god’s grace n u could thank housekeeping
them demons was too strong, tugging the ropes
cause twenty fourteen, end of summer i broke
all the walls caved in, my soul felt helpless
prayers ain’t work, in retrospect i was selfish
i’m thinking ’bout my mother tearing up and i choke
i’m thinking ’bout that suicide note
i’m thinking ’bout the years and the days i let p-ss me
but i’m here, and i made it so i guess i am happy
now what

- mzm lyrics

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