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naila keleta-mae - i write this lyrics

[part 1]
ki sa pou’m fè? koté pou’m gadé?
ki bo mwen pralé? ki les pou’m prier?

what shall i do? what steps should i take?
what move should i make? who do i pray to?

[part 2]
i write this with all the critical +n+lysis and emotional detachment of a woman anxiously awaiting her period; that which would be a welcomed end to spasms of worry erupting just below the surface of her calm. i write this with all the critical +n+lysis and emotional attachment of a woman who has already spread her legs on the table of death. a woman whose soul cried a 19+year+old’s tears of confusion as blood mass shame was extracted from her womb. blood mass shame

[part 3]
i feel you child of light, heard you request your birthright. i’m trying to get this whole thing straight. for me, your birth not right now. for me, your birth not right. i write this with all the critical +n+lysis that this tangible woman frame can muster as 35 days have passed without the familiar red to mark the end beginning of nature’s cycle. a woman whose dirty middle finger has fingered cervix more than once in search of blood, in search of blood

dawn touches me and i cry. got to cope with this time in my life
only one decision has to be made. my womb emptied again? will my womb be emptied again?

[part 4]
i write this with all the resolution of a woman promising to question and refusing to carry a child out of some jacked up notion of moral obligation. i am a woman moving past the pain and shame shackled to my gender. i am a woman moving past the guilt i feed off of out of some learned messed up demure behaviour. i am a woman moving with strength, with shame, with purpose, with hope, with love

standing with my pride. i’m humbled by this life. so unsure what the future holds. the answers escape me. the answers escape me

[part 5]
i wanted
i wanted
i wanted
i wanted to have s+x
can’t i be allowed too?
just wanted to express
that part of me too
wanted to have s+x
can’t i be allowed too?
just wanted to express
that part of me too

i have no more words
i have no more words
no words
no words

- naila keleta mae lyrics

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