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nancy walker, louise carlyle & chotzi foley - don't be a woman if you can lyrics

[intro]
in this vale of tears you’re either baby boy
or baby girl when you come on the scene
whichever you are you find that all is not serene
it’s tough enough to be male
but if you’re born a female
you’re headin’ for a hideous routine

[chorus]
if you’re born that way you have to be a woman
but we often wonder, is it worth the while?
your neck you break
on decisions you must make
to be beguilingly in style
if you have a choice, don’t ever be a woman
for you spend your life just catering to man
you’re better off a zombie
or fitch and abercrombie
but don’t be a woman if you can
take our advice
don’t pay the price
don’t be a woman if you can

[verse 1]
every woman using perfume
has to worry whether her fume
will attract the men or chase them off instead
shall it be chanel or flattery
s+xy or assault+and+battery
innuendo, radiant, or dash+of+bed?
who knows on what adventure you’re embarking
should you use it’s+better+when+you’re+parking?
bottles by the score unveiling
all day long you keep inhaling
glamorous or stolen heaven
rendezvous tonight at seven
jezebel or farmer’s daughter
which one leads ’em to the slaughter?
call+me+later or narcissus
midnight passion, morning kisses?
worried which one will beguile ’em
’til you’re fit for the asylum
and that’s just perfume!
take our advice
don’t pay the price
don’t be a woman if you can
when you take an inventory
you’d be better off being peter lorre
don’t be a woman if you can!
[verse 2]
as to woman’s crowning glory
it’s the same old gruesome story
how and why and where and when to do your hair?
when at last they do a hairdo
they do everything they dare do
as they weave and wave you, you get mal de mer
up+swept, down+swept, would you like it broom+swept?
side+swept, swept+swept, maybe powder+room+swept?
with so many styles invented
any wonder you’re demented?
tint it purple, try it blonder
’til your mind begins to wander
paris knot or grecian knot
or try the new venetian knot
or girlish bob or mannish bob
or hi+ya, bob! or spanish bob
or virgin bun or brazen bun
or cinnamon bun or raisin bun
and that’s just hairdo!
take our advice
don’t pay the price
don’t be a woman if you can
to the +n+lyst you’re driven
it’s a heck of a s+x that we’ve been given
never be a woman if you can!
[chorus]
if you have a choice, don’t ever be a woman
for you’ll spend your life just catering to man
you’re better off a zombie
or fitch and abercrombie
but never a woman if you can

[verse 3]
for instance, fur coats
anybody is n0body
just a body that is shoddy
if she hasn’t got a dozen furs to wear
which will sell the propaganda
skunk or wolf or baby panda
elephant or chimpanzee or polar bear?
maybe soon you’ll see advertising splashes
for a coat made of life with father’s old mustaches
bring them on, the more the merrier
belgian donkey, irish terrier
soon they’ll have a k!ller+diller
made of unborn caterpillar
shall the coats that top+to+bottom us
be giraffe or hippopotamus?
persian lamb is very festive
leg of lamb is more digestive
looking for a skin that’s wearable
makes the livelong day unbearable
and that’s just fur coats!
take our advice (take our advice)
don’t pay the price (don’t pay the price)
oh, the problems are inhuman
you’d be better off being president truman
don’t be a woman if you can!

- nancy walker louise carlyle chotzi foley lyrics

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