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nantes - what young fathers are in first-person lyrics

(verse)
if i could use one word it’d prolly be an obscenity for the self aware n+ggas dodgin’ responsibility
honestly, the image bein’ painted gon resemble me
i’m the one provide the nut that’s swimming in her cervix
that turn into a child who feel like he a burden
his cries echo loudly through the house where we reside
i push my ego to the side, it’s apparent imma parent
ignore his bad ass kuz i’m watchin’ van helsing
kick my f+ckin’ feet up, treat my baby like ailment
i pacify his screams wit violence on tv, instead of attention or somethin’ good to read
his mind desensitized to every bad thing
from callin’ his momma b+tch to seein’ me smack her ass
seein’ her search for love, seein’ her roll up some trees
to seein’ me self harm to watchin me f+ckin’ leave
hold his little body close but put him down i gotta dip
could i ever really tell him that his daddy is jealous?
kuz my momma cared more about her so+called friends and f+ckin’ exes
dirty clothes was on my body while i’m sittin’ in class
edison sn+tchin’ all the light, pray these shadows will pass
f+ckers speakin’ on my moms and prolly call her a hoe
i was 13 years old, tryna manage my woes
got my own son now, tryna be an example
sh+t i turned 23 and still throwing them tantrums
it’s just some days that i feel worthless
unemployed, down bad, my pockets hurtin’
at my granny house in her bathroom using her jergens
jerkin’ kuz i’m stressed i ain’t built for curb surfin’
borderline abusive and evil and so surly
to be there for my son is the one wish that i’m yearnin’
lemme break down for you again if you ain’t heard me
this young father here is one word determined, n+gga
“….probably one of the hardest things in my life is bein’ a dad. i’m not a good dad by any standard. guess you could say i’m on the road to becomin’ my dad. that n+gga wasn’t sh+t, not at all, not even worth the words i’m sayin about him right now. and it sucks. i don’t want my son to be like me but i feel like i’m makin’ him that way, you know?”

- nantes lyrics

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