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nathan johnson - to be broken... lyrics

you ever see yo father beat on yo momma?
that sh+t right there will give you more than just trauma
i witness mine’s through a child’s eyes hopin’ they stop
but too young to get inbetween ’em, too young to call on the cops
my momma’s wrist was the payment for it all
the day i had to let my heroes just fall
broken fragments, but for years i had hopes
that one day maybe i could glue ’em together but i never got close
i heard them screamin’ over something like usual
by the tone of their voices, i could tell that anger was mutual
crawled to the corner with my brother so little
two infant minds unmolded, because of that we were so brittle
saw my father with my mom on the ground
her arm twisted, face down, lying flat on the couch
with tears rollin’ down, she was screamin’ out (help)
but sadly, n0body but kids were inside of the house
just a 3 and 6 year old having to watch
and i could feel the disdain build in the eyes of my pops
i started crying, ran in between hitting my father
but he was stronger, unbothered, plus i was just a toddler
what more could i have done? still tryna stop this monster
but the longer i waited the more resentment i conjured
i grabbed the phone and begged my momma to use it
she was kickin’ and screamin’, but she knew she couldn’t do it
14 years later still haunted
my biggest fear is to be like my father
why i’m writin’ this sonnet
set myself a reminder that i can always do better
but he past along demons that i’ll forever remember
i was raised a different person, but those flashbacks remain
and anyone with a heart and soul could be driven insane
having the same flashbacks playin’ over your brain
then try and change hoping that you go a different way
i feel the pain of any child who had humble beginnings
’cause those losses we took then are the reason we winning
the hardest battles we fight, are in our minds
and everytime you stand up you grow resilience inside
keep ya head ’cause even though our battles differ at first
the damage done is the same, and it only gets worse
i thought i was alone stuck inside a hole
where it’s cold, dark and menacing not knowing where to go
but the people around me wanted better for my health
and i was always the type of dude too afraid to ask for help
cause the stigma around it’s that you weak or you frail
but honestly the ones who love you wanna see prevail

and that’s real

ayo, do you think birds understand how free they are?
n+gga what?

gon ‘head put that blunt down, big fella

nah for real, i mean they can go wherever they want whenever they want

i mean we can too, just close your eyes and fly away n+gga

- nathan johnson lyrics

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