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nathan r. allen - depraved lyrics

[prelude]
ingrained deep holocaustic dreams
of a world devoid of any enemies
evasiveness, complacent lethargy
protagonism preventing empathy
divide justified by injury
logical rationale for infidelity
misoneism and botch ident-ty
generation sins doomed to repeat

[intro]
get your hand out of your garment
i’m wasting away
i’m dying here; why don’t you care
that i’m heading for decay?
addicted to this chrysalis
cloistered, kicking at every goad
secrets, fear, avoidance, guards
shame is all i know

[chorus]
and my heart is so depraved
and my mind is so depraved
and my body’s so depraved
and my soul is so depraved
and my heart is so depraved
and my heart is so depraved

[verse 1]
cleanse me, o god
purge my heart from sin
i got termites in my arteries
and i got moth-infested skin

purge me, o god
help me all you can
i got nothing righteous in my blood
i need to be made whole again

cleanse me, o god
make my decisions
my heart pukes lies; it can’t be cured
and there’s no commanding it

cleanse me, o god
i’m disgusted by my skin
i stained myself with the chemicals
i need to be washed white within

[chorus]
and my heart is so depraved
and my mind is so depraved
and my body’s so depraved
and my soul is so depraved
and my heart is so depraved
and my heart is so depraved

[verse 2]
hear me, o god
i need you to listen
they said my old self died with you
but i’m just not seeing it

save me, o god
take my heart from me
my fetishes have soiled me
could you shield me in your wing?

save me, o god
it’s deep and i can’t swim
my throat is dry from crying out
and my eyes are growing dim

tell me, o god
are you on my side?
tell me how you i’m son to you
and for me, you bled and died

[chorus]
and my heart is so depraved
and my mind is so depraved
and my body’s so depraved
and my soul is so depraved
and my heart is so depraved
and my heart is so depraved

[bridge]
alive but i’m lying
my breath is synthetic
and it’s not gonna change by
vowing scripture tenets… uh uh
cause the truth is i don’t love you
we wouldn’t be here if that was true
i don’t know what my being profits you

cause i’m pedantic and lazy
i let this world make me
know what’s right but have no wills
enslaved to pain and pleasure thrills
my body’s split within
i’m harshly limited
jaded and obsessive…
defensive, apathetic
all i ever stood for was only hypothetical
fantasize about virtuous deeds that i’ll never do

governed by my comfort
i’ve neglected all my brothers
all these unresolved dichotomies
i just want to be
finished, self-sufficient
isolated, validated
biases perpetuated
nothing short of dead

there’s a comp-ss in my groin
and i follow where it points
chips piled on my shoulders
got vendetta with my culture
self-pleading, self-pity
self-excusing, selfish living
self-serving, self-serving
self, self, self, self, self
my heart is yoked to baal
set on achieving vain goals
greedy and unfaithful
given to what’s shameful
obstinate contrarian
mimicking my parents’ sins
justify my narrative
and i’ve been here too long

[outro]
father, i’ve sinned
i can’t be called your son
you can keep your clothes and the fattened calf
just reduce me to the drudge

i’ve tried on my own
i’m still the same species
if i shed my tears before you
would you hear them hit your feet?

mercy, o god
i’m sick and i should die
i’ve used you for your benefits
and i can’t lift up my eyes

god, i believe
help my unbelief
the ones with no inheritance
they sound a lot like me

- nathan r allen lyrics

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