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nib oswald - poet laureate lyrics

this isn’t the written fiction
of missionary visionaries
-ssume the position
quickly fl1ck through your dictionaries
a plain thesaurus
for every verse refrain and chorus
we’ll need to chainsaw down
all of honduras’ rainforest
microphone media
cite your own encyclopaedia
lone psyche speedier
like when cyclones strike a blown meteor
my headphones now duct taped
around your head a hundred times
force a funnel down your throat
to swallow all my wondrous rhymes

let’s begin
all bets are off all debts are in
it’s called mexican roulette
with intratecs to spin
better send letters to your next of kin
because i spit to win
compet-tors hit with these pencil leads
that split the skin
dissecting lexicons in hexagons
i spread my grin
like dexter getting into textiles
with a thread and pin
shred your c-ssettes in bins
upset with vexed chagrin
got d-cks embedded on your forehead
from my texta pen

je ne regrette rien
tu es foutu dans la tête combien
lesbienne
zut j’adore le décolleté de la sienne
ma gorge se étranglé sans l’anglais
d-mn once again
got me crazy in love like jay z
and his fiancée banns

drop it hotter
than the bridal body b-tter on that tan
battered b-ttocks
of his buxom busty boo beyoncé man
saucy debutantes expanding bulges
in the fronts of pants
understand
it’s no wonder men don’t ever want to dance

homme g-y que
¡yo no hablo español hombre
hungry for my unpaid lunchbreak
come on ¡ándale ¡ándale
je veux croissants crêpes
entrée a la flambée
like a dumb ranga
on their lawn naked to sunbathe
fun made
all the way from monday to whitsunday
knit wit
high calibre puns sprayed like gunplay
i’ll saunter through harm’s way
nonchalantly on the runway
in andre 3000’s trousers
and kanye’s sunshades

like chaucer’s finest lines
i cause the brightest
author /writers
to suffer rhymist arthritis
i’m quite the tour de force
of these awesome cyphers
got my rifle on the eiffel tower
tour de sniper
how about a trifling eyeful now
record this cipher:
dot dot dot
dot dot dot dot
dot dot
draw a hyphen
(s h i t)
jotting code on a morse typewriter
my thoughts are hyper
the prizefighter tournament finalist
scores the t-tle

sweet holy symbolism
beat polysyllabism
fully really listen to me
illin’ solely lyricism
litanies i’ll litter with
alliterative literalism
villanelle
i will actually skilfully wholly schism
alphabetic alpha male
apoplectic mouth is septic
drown poetic sceptics
in my epic catalectic metrics
-n-lgenic
like a paramedic’s headache anaesthetic
you’re a paraplegic
up against a rap peripatetic

your stammering
rambling
yammering
is clamorous
miasmic ephemera
like d-mn frickin’ amateurs
i jam quick in glamorous
iambic pentameter
that’s ironic
like alanis’ sly antics from canada
a musical muse
sickle to hammer paparazzi
cameras full of cr-p
like abandoned tamagotchis
on gramophones i’m outrappin’ these
grammar n-z-s
i blast divine wind like j-panese
kamikazes

sukuriputo watashi furippu ni makimono
palindrome yoko’s ono no no back into kakemono
oh no kenbutsusuru haisen no yōna hakimono
you see ‘defeat’ like j-panese footwear
kakegoto that you’ve got no future dude: nai sakimono
so yo bro you’re getting served just like tabemo yakemono
turn a wakamono into guacamole nakimono
go to dōjō dono miyamoto in a black kimono
nintendō o aetete kurete domo arigatō
treating your kyoto treaty protocol with zaregoto
from minamoto no yoritomo down to yamamoto
kodak pedobear is hoping to take your granddaughter’s photo
“call the popo, toto
i don’t know if this is kansas no mo’!”

performance gift-rapped
forming swift subscripts
sift through sand-drift glyphs
and lift up crypts
nib erupts ad-libbed gibberish
to disrupt writs
abrupt text
subjects misconstrued
and skewed to bits
irreverent, eminent

with an eminem-esque eloquence
i serve you a full sentence
your defence is lacking evidence
heaven sent excellence
i’m never not setting precedence
prepare the chemicals
for double negatives development
forever blessed
this jester pest is the cleverest
guess the highest level crest
before they discovered everest
get it yet?
yes; still everest
effortless
i evanesce every effervescent emcee to second best

- nib oswald lyrics

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