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nicholas barasch - try me lyrics

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arpad: mr. maraczek, you’ve gotta stop thinking of me as just a delivery boy. in a suit, with a tie, i look… old. and i’ve been training myself to be a sales clerk. training hard. for two years.

maraczek: you’ve been training?

arpad: i have trained myself going shelf to shelf and i know every item in the store.
every tube, jar, box, bottle, carton, and container,
what they are,
what they cost,
what they’re for.

although it’s something you have never thought about mr. maraczek, try me.
you need a man who knows the business inside out mr. maraczek, try me.
you need help, or i’d have never spoken,
and why break someone in when i’m already broken?

in this emergency i wouldn’t let you down mr. maraczek, try me.
oh, i can see by the uncertain way you frown that you’ve asked yourself, “why me?”
for first-cl-ss clerking and conscientious working
mr. maraczek, why not try me?

maraczek: alright, this cream is sour, very sour. take it back.

arpad: you wish to return this jar, madam.
certainly, right you are, madam.
you say that it smells like a drowned cat.
oh, it does at that.
at maraczek’s, madam, we claim with pride,
the customer must be satisfied.
the customer must be satisfied.

by the way we have a special sale on autumn heather.
let me spray some on your hand.
here, we’ll smell it together.
it has the three elements of good perfume:
attractive to the nose, invisible to the eye, and functional.
my wife has used it time and again.
it’s very appealing to us men.
i use it myself every now and then.

maraczek: i’ll take some.

arpad: certainly, madam! oh miss ritter? ahem… miss ritter?

that’s twenty and six for the autumn heather,
eight and three for the cream,
thirty-two even for that bottle of mermaid’s dream.
one and three for the eyebrow pencil,
nine for the large shampoo,
and then for the jar you’re bringing back that’s four and two for you.

that’s a total of ninety-eight plus four and two for the jar.
out of a hundred?
cha-ching.
here’s your change,
five and two.
there you are.
the biggest sale in several years, i believe!

thank you, madam, please call again.
glad i could help.
here is my card.
thank you, madam, please call again.
do call again, madam!

i would gladly grow a mustache if you like, mr. maraczek, try me.
oh, i would even think of giving up my bike, mr. maraczek, try me.
for first-cl-ss clerking and conscientious working
mr. maraczek, why not try me?

- nicholas barasch lyrics

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