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nick xl - attaboy lyrics

[verse]
i wonder why i ain’t made it yet
which i’m ashamed to admit
if this sh+t is just an aim and a miss
then what the f+ck i got to offer? wasn’t raised with no gifts
started doin little videos to change up the pace
and now those are doin better than the music i make
now i feel i got to choose between a dream or a notch
and either or not, i’ll probably still be weak with the plot
i’m a veteran in more ways than one in this case
ten years, got no trophies to place
all i got’s this f+ckin war with all these demons i make
then givе life, once i speak and brеathe it into the page
think if i left now, right now, n0body’d miss me
f+ck my soul, its like a blow to my kidneys
i wish i could walk home to a house out of disney
big yard, pet dog with a frisbee
but instead i come home to this food stamp card
cause i know that i ain’t tryna pay dues that hard
ain’t like my siblings, i was never abused that hard
but its hard to get a leg up when you knew that start
‘tween the way that my t++th rot and the spots on my skin
got me thinking death is knocking again
and all my goals ain’t accomplished, sh+t, not even a dent
but when i was sixteen i thought i’d prolly ascend
and its not even the views, sh+t i could do without stats
all it does is make me wish my brain was blew with a gat
i guess its all just attention, guess i’m lookin for that
got so close to the darkness, i think i miss it, in fact
sh+t, i ain’t the devil but a part of me is
you ask my family they’re as far as it gets
we got the only broken home once my father had split
but that made me who i am, i call his parting a gift
i actually went and developed my own personality
which is the worst thing you can do, it’s duality
its quiet when i walk in the room, like who’s mad at me
cause i ain’t on my f+ckin knees prayin’ like i atta be
i guess i wanted somethin like an “attaboy”
i’m gettin’ on my knees so call the cavalry
i guess i wanted somethin like an “attaboy”
i guess i only f+cking want an “attaboy”

- nick xl lyrics

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