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nimbus taylor - doldrums lyrics

i still see your face every time i close my eyes
i sit and watch my days lack pretty pleasures or surprises
i’ll do everything it takes to numb the pain i feel inside
as i pace around in circles and just waste more of my time

fulfill an endless cycle and wait till tears start to form
we all have rainy days but mine feel more like thunderstorms
felt weak in both my legs until i finally hit the floor

i hear the voice in my past
it’s the only thing keeping me from silence
i need some guidance but reflections can’t talk back
i know i’m desperate but it’s still the closest thing i have
to someone else
i’m falling downhill fast

and i’m helplessly waiting
for someone to save me
but there’s no one else around that can hear my call
and i’m helplessly waiting
but no one can save me
so all i ask is please don’t try to get involved

’cause hope feels awful distant when you’re stuck in so much pain
i hope that if you listen that one day you’ll feel the same
and i’ll cry out for help but does it even matter anyway?
’cause i’ll just sit and watch myself spiral out of control
and once i’ve lost my mind then i’ll begin to lose my soul
we both know that i’ve felt this more than once or twice before
++ f+cking years i’ve been in the doldrums
had a new panic attack, felt my body go numb
eleven years old with a knife under my thumbs
held it to my f+cking chest, hoped that i could end it all
i’m just a ‘lil too much for the people that i love
got a phone but n0body i can call
i couldn’t make this sh+t up if i motherf+cking tried to
depression never ending only outlet is my… f+ck you

you will never understand
never
f+ck you

so let me end this d+mn tape with a note to myself:
everybody goes crazy when we’re all by ourselves
sh+t

“so, i would suggest just to monitor your++”
“that’s right the fingering starts:
three, four, three, one… one, two, one, four…
three, four, three, one… one, two, one, three, or four…
three, four, three, three, three, three, three++”

- nimbus taylor lyrics

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