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no.use - awake pt. 1 lyrics

[verse 1]
i felt you slip right out my arms
c’mon, how far gone are we?
was it how hard i squeezed?
do you really need an apology just for wanting you all to me?
sorry, but i don’t follow, b
i think the problem with us being in love was you didn’t wanna be
but i still think about you one the hour like clockwork
you got that much power this far down the road without words
and i cut my arms every now and again, but it does not hurt
if anything, it feels good like when i starve myself
skin lookin’ like artwork
wrists marked like barcodes
you say it’s awful, well too bad
of faults, i’m chock full
and i’ll do what i want to
it’s my body and it’s my rules
i will not turn around for no bop who don’t even realize the hypocrisies lost on her
the logic in me don’t even believe that you deserve a verse, let alone a whole song
but i guess it’s what it will take to purge this f-cking curse from my conscience
and i got so many words to say, but it’s been so long since you’ve gone away
got to stop holdin’ on to this nonsense
and i been nervous and awkward
tryna pick up these parts you tossed in the garbage
tryna search for the man i forgot somewhere at the bottom of a bottle, at the end of a line
‘n i’m at the end of my mind
i don’t think i’ma find the same person that i left behind
you wonder why i drink till i p-ss out?
‘case i don’t think about you when i black out
so i can cack without bein’ scared to close my eyes
so i can dare to actually try to catch some zs in peace
just leave alone my dreams for me
their mine
i don’t need to be reminded of my life every time i need to sleep

[bridge]
i can’t think right
it’s like your tattooed on my mind
when i blink i see your eyes
starin’ right back into mine
you haunt me
it’s so exhausting
leaves me wanting to drop it all and die

[verse 2]
smokin’ cigarettes was only really ever a copin’ mechanism
to congest this hole in my chest that’s gettin’ a hold of my breath
before it envelops my head
so if that lack of hope don’t crawl up my neck
you can f-ckin’ bet that i smoked enough grit and snorted enough sh-t
that, f-ck it, at least i’ll still be dead
they say there’s always another guy that she textin’
well more like 9, but i never sent any other b-tch 1 message
didn’t have no sides, seconds, no plan b
well, i guess i paid the price for bettin’ my happiness on a baddy with bad intentions
how is it that you need so much attention, and still all of mine didn’t cut it?
you f-ck ‘em like it’s nothin’
then get mad at me just for lackin trust?
f-ck you mean, you backwards sl-t?
thing is, i was your main b-tch, but you were literally my only one
and i wasn’t playin’ every time that i called you satan, boo
i was just too f-ckin’ afraid to say “bye”, when i knew you wouldn’t stay true
so i just f-ck with the blade, so i can say “look what you made me do”
so i can do what you did to me, ‘cause b-tch, i’da blown out my brains for you

[pre chorus]
even the stars in the night sky fade
but there’s a reason the scars on my left arm stay
i would’ve never believed that the love in your heart was fake
or that i wouldn’t ever be happy again that way

[chorus]
oh god
i’m still fallen for you
and i’ll be hollow till i drop into the blue
i’ll follow our shadow to the bottom of the bay
and sleep beneath the waves
and i will leave this place
dreaming of our hearts locked together
safely on a star off in heaven
waiting to wake and see your face

- no use lyrics

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