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no.use - awake pt. 2 lyrics

[verse]
the fact is that i haven’t really moved on and i never will
but it doesn’t actually matter what i’ll probably forever feel
‘cause, in the end, it was never real
it was just a fantasy to protect us from the breach in the veil, yeah
and definitions of love change
it’s hard to say what love ain’t or what it was in the first place
from the get go, on the first date, all the way home, to the third break
it’s tough to let go of echoes of the worst game that i ever played
you loved that you could lean on me
and i loved who i thought you’d be for me
but if you think that means actually lovin’ a person, well it don’t
we fall for projections that we end up needing
it’s less of a fear of being without you, than a fear of bein’ on my own
we all end up being fake though, in one way or another
it’s pretty much inescapable
it’s just natural to fumble, us fickle lovers
we can’t tame the animals in us
we try to cover it up
tell ourselves we’re the real ones, but we ain’t no f-ckin’ seraphim
and even in this message, there’s no meaning
just like our lack of real connection or real coherence
no matter what we think in our heads, these beliefs don’t matter a second
it’s misconceived as something seeming better or more
but it’s superficial at its core
our ident-ty’s based on strings of perceptions, streams of consciousness
so, did i love you? the real you?
i don’t think a real you or i exists
it’s hard to tell
but i don’t hate the you i think you are, i hate myself
it’s not what u did that bent me outta shape
it’s just my obsessive brain, i was born in this state
then i obsess about obsessin’ and i can’t deviate
or maybe i can
but i keep myself trapped thinkin’ this way
i think i keep myself in this place
but i d f-ckin’ k
nothin’ seems to help, but that’s okay
i’ve resigned to not givin’ a f-ck that i’m stuck and crazed
locked in a cycle just wastin’ my days, and gettin’ sad and escapin’
then gettin’ mad about this phase that i self perpetuate
then to come to the realization that i had imagined the whole thang?! f-ck!
like maybe i’m remembering a romanticized version of what took place
now that’s a look you should’ve seen on my shook face
i may have overreacted when i knew my attachments were just phantom in base
but it felt like the floorboards were pulled out from under my vans without trace
so i free fell till i caught myself, lost as h-ll, wondering who the f-ck i am at this stage
can’t stand the man in the mirror and unable to handle this rage
or quell my frantically going bananas and hate that i panic at change
then i woke up from a nightmare two years late
felt like i been in a state of mental retrograde for two years straight
but it was different today
i woke up feeling like living today
new to me and f-cking strange
but i had a little bit of faith
like i can finish what i set out to make
instead of staying clouded and cloutless and break
the truth remains shrouded
but i’m proud, ‘cause even though i won’t let you go
after stayin’ up countless hours, this mornin’ i woke up awake
(mm)
(this mornin’ i woke up awake)

- no use lyrics

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