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notlewy - orca lyrics

this is the song
(this is the song)
i wrote all summer in my head
i go along
(i go along)
with all the lies that i invent

my hair is long
i’m such a mess
i hate myself
i must confess
i waste my time layin’ in my bed
playin’ out scenarios in my head
that’ll never happen
that’ll never happen
i try to act like i am tough
around the edges, i am rough
i hate myself, i f+ckin’ suck
it seems i’m always in a rut
i’m scared that i won’t be enough
for the people that i love
and they’ll all leave me one by one
and i can’t chase them, i can’t run

i let my fears consume my life
so many tears, my eyes went dry
so many years that i was blind
should’ve never opened my f+ckin’ eyes
to who i am and who i’ll be
and who i was and didn’t see
and as the nights change quietly
inside my head, i hear the screams
i’m such a nightmare
no, no, no, i’m such a nightmare

this is the song
(this is the song)
that i named after my cat
‘cause just like her
(‘cause just like her)
i’m always scared, i’m always sad
no matter how much love i get
inside my chest, there is a pit
inside my head, my demons live
and they won’t stop
no, they won’t quit
and i can’t run, i can’t hide
not a soul can hear my cries
i’m not alone inside my mind
and frankly, i am terrified
of the thoughts my brain consumes
dark silhouettes around my room
trapped in my bed like it’s a tomb
my fears are bound to catch up soon

and when they do, where will i go?
i think the thing i fear the most
is everything that i don’t know
and everyone that i held close
letting go and movin’ on
will things be better when i’m gone?

i’m so dismantled, i’m so flawed
it’s better off if i’m forgot
please let me rot
(please let me rot)
inside a pit of my despair
they all forgot
(they all forgot)
that i was ever really there
and now i’m gone
(and now i’m gone)
and no one even really cares
my fears have won
(my fears have won)
they always do in time, i swear
this is the song
this is the song i hope they’ll play when i am dead
and this is the song that keeps on playin’ in my head
this is the song i hope they’ll play when i am dead
and this is the song that keeps on playin’ in my head

- notlewy lyrics

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