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novena - prison walls lyrics

frozen, as the time just passes by
have to sing the freedom cry
of the one who holds you here

chosen for a life you never called for
as your body starts to falter
you refuse to shed a tear

kept within your endless prison walls
is there life for you to find at all?

open, like a wound that never healed
through a door you walked right in
to a fight that you can’t win

moments, they appear to last forever
like a friendship that we severed
there’s a heart that’s yet to beat

kept within your endless prison walls
is there life for you to find at all?

i have been a terrible friend and an even worse lover
and i think it’s time for some confessional
my mother? she didn’t even want me
she had a life and i wasn’t part of the plan
and you know what? that’s okay
because when new life seems only to form destruction
and all you’ve come to crave is the other
what’s there to be done, really?
there isn’t a simple fix to be found, just a long and arduous road of circumstance
and that’s okay. it’s no+one’s fault
and let’s not even speak of the father. i mean, what’s there to say?
he was quite literally never there, and funnily enough, the absence isn’t so conspicuous
i mean, you can’t miss what you’ve never had
but all the same, it didn’t take long for the men in white coats
that didn’t wear white coats at all that i feared so much as a child to appear
wielding brands of disability, mental unrest and disrepair
antipsychotics for lunch at twelve. you know it’s no+one’s fault
it’s no+one’s fault

still, i had the love of a mother regardless, and for that i genuinely give thanks
she single+handedly was the saviour of my short and storied years
seemingly the one thing prescribed by the gods that was not a f+cking detriment
so it’s fair to say, i suppose, that i have been smiled upon
at least in part, but is it enough?
how could it ever be enough? it’s never enough
it’s no+one’s fault

but that didn’t stop me from struggling with my independence for years
i convinced myself i was strong, which, in ways, i was
i convinced myself of a number of things but it wasn’t enough
it was never enough… how could it ever be enough?
the damage has been done and it’s no+one’s fault
and i would’ve ended up the same from the outside looking in
these prison walls would self+sustain and keep me held within
the damage has been done and there’s no+one left
and it’s no+one’s f+cking fault
the damage has been done and there’s no+one left
it’s no+one’s fault
look at this hollow sh+ll, pallid and worn
victimised circumstance and nothing more than a worm
and isn’t it f+cking pathetic?
i should be a king, my freedom is stripped
and i am laid bare in my absence of morals
my ethical code spun into chaos
it could’ve been different, it should’ve been different
you’ve failed me and now i am lost to these walls

and oh, if these walls could talk
oh, the stories they’d tell you
you would be shocked and appalled, i assure you
for this is the domain of liars and thieves
our negligent souls have been wasted

kept within my endless prison walls
was there life for me to find at all?
if i close my eyes, am i alone?
at least now i know, through it all
on my own, i’ve escaped my prison walls

- novena lyrics

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