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novi novak - lastly... allow me to explain myself lyrics

[intro: novi novak]

allow me to explain myself
allow me to explain myself
allow me to explain myself

[verse 1: novi novak]

see, we lived in the hood, 600 a month
my team lived in the garage, i lived in the front
and my second in charge, he helped pay the rent
plus itunes, shirt money and whatever we’d get
cause sh-t
we was waiting on funds to come
like months on months on months and then some
from promises of investors but never got none
promised large sums, but we never saw a crumb
and if you get where i’m coming from, this sh-t’s dumb
this is exactly why i don’t trust no one
cause we needed big money to make big moves
cause i felt small steps would make us look too new
but who knew
saying two weeks, two weeks we’d have money
but it never came and what’s more funny
i’m a godd-mn dummy, was depressed and sat
cause from the start, i shouldn’t even of relied on that
cause everyone relied on me and it seemed
as if i was the one supposed to work for they dreams
but i guess as a leader, that was kinda my thing
but i needed a team, if you know what i mean
cause they never had ideas or reached out the box
so like, how the h-ll we supposed to get to the top?
if only i have ideas? only i make moves
only i have p-ssion, but i mean what can i do
i’m only one man, and a f-cked up one at that
and that ain’t hard to see if you just start looking back
i’d give motivational speeches but two days later
they was right on back down the escalator
so for months on end, i tortured myself
hated life and it affected my health
barely slept, was spent and only had money for ramen
i can’t explain how many times i considered just stoppin’
talked suicide so much, he was my best friend
lot of lonely nights we would spend
we’d play hide and seek and he’s count to ten
but lucky for me he never found me in the end

[verse 2: novi novak]

i made “save me” while severely depressed
was how i confessed and addressed all that stress
expressed my regrets and wishes for death
as i drowned in thoughts of homicide, tears and neglect
i hated life, and all i had was my rhymes
even laughing, i was crying at the same d-mn time
i couldn’t cope and what k!lled the most
sloped, no brakes and completely wrecked my hopes
i swear to god on this, my career, and life
my father’s grave, sh-t, i swear that twice
for six months i actually thought i had cancer
but couldn’t afford the doctor for a definite answer
according to the net, i had all the symptoms
but i was way too poor to change how i was living
praying to god like “man, you gotta be kidding
it’s sickening that you’d go and drown me when i’m barely kicking”
and that tore me apart everyday
so positive minded, hardest thing to stay
plus i was afraid to go to the doctor incase he’s say
anything besides something along the lines of you’re okay
well okay
i didn’t even tell anyone ’till i broke down
was crying my eyes out, thinking no one was around
but majeed walked in there after he said he was leaving
then i told him and he couldn’t believe it
then he told me if i was dying and couldn’t afford the treatments
that he had my back and that
is a brother and i love him for that
cause even if he didn’t mean it, them words carried me through
and that’s the type of sh-t a real friend’ll do
yeah, that’s the type of sh-t a real friend’ll do

[verse 3: novi novak]

i considered, would the fans stick with me through kemo?
-ssuming all the girl fans would leave me though
i considered would they notice if i wore bigger hats?
should i wear a bandana and how would i go about that?
i released a mixtape with no money to spread it
so it sat there as people who’d love it completely neglect it
and mentally breaking down, i was forced to accept it
cause once again in my life, i was completely rejected
i thought the mix tape would bring me back
but in fact, it just pushed me further into collapse
then half my team left, and i just cracked
and everything sort of blacks out after that
so to stop the thoughts i started smoking mad weed
considered if the devils offers would set me free
i started reading power books and ironically
it started having this weird power over me
cause it was all a process and i started to see
how it’s a political not talented industry
cause i only shook like one other rappers hand
and the things he did to make it i don’t want to do man
but months later got the itunes check and on the spot
spent the whole thing going straight to the doc
sitting in the waiting room was the scariest thing ever
hoping he’d come in and prescribe things to make me better
instead he came in, and he sat down
scanned some sh-t and he said “let’s see now,”
he asked if i had a past with depression
and i said, “why everybody always ask me that question?”
then i told him i read symptoms on the net
then he said “that’s the worst place to check!
you’d be surprised, people actually do that a lot
they turn the smallest things into something they’re not!”
i’m like, “they’re not?”
“yeah, a case of severe depression is all that you got!”
a week later all the internal pain in me just stopped
i was so depressed mentally, i was k!lling myself physically
godd-mn, look what i did to me
that’s how f-cked up i was in my head
i just thank god my -ss wasn’t on any meds
cause i ain’t have the nuts to make myself physically dead
but my mind’s so strong it tried to do it for me instead

[verse 4: novi novak]

but after that, my whole life changed
i was more determined than ever to get in the game
and since they say everything happens for a reason
and i believe it, i believe god did that to me
so i’d take health more seriously
i started writing like a mad man
released “thrift shop” and fans were like “god d-mn man!”
h-ll yeah man, h-ll yeah man!
tossed out my holey shoes
got a day job and started making my own moves, for real!
and man now i’m more driven than ever
and i ain’t stopping ’till i change the rap game for the better
(is it better?)
i apologize to my fans for my human mistakes
as here i explained the wait
so thanks, for sticking with me along the way
cause now i’m about to do whatever it takes, it’s my fate

[outro: novi novak]

i left a lot out but
that’s the gist of it
i’d say the rest but, it’d be like a 25 minute song
but you know, i guess i’ll explain the rest later
you just going to have to wait again
-laughs- sorry

- novi novak lyrics

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