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oily bastard - let me tell you a story lyrics

[spoken]
alright, let me tell you a story
so, uh, i woke up, um…
put on some clothes and i opened the front door, um…
and then

[sung]
there was a beautiful angel
she came down from the sky
she looked so very sad
i said “h+llo”

[spoken]
this all happened, by the way, it’s all real

[sung]
she said, “can you please help me”
so i followed her into the sky on a big bridge on+ er, staircase, or something

there was a castle in the clouds
she took mе by the hand
she took me to thе king
he looked at me

[spoken]
so, the king told me about… this big, like, red dragon that was harassing, like, the people
and i was like, “can i have a sword to slay it?”
and, uh, he didn’t actually have one, so…
anyway, i went to the cave where the dragon was living
[sung]
then i slayed that dragon with my own bare hands
i didn’t need the sword
and then the wizard shot a lightning bolt at me
but i think it only hit my pinky

[spoken]
anyway, after that, um… y’know
like, everyone loved me, everyone was giving me, like, a million dollars
and, uh, i was, like, really cool…
(sigh) and i was so cool that everyone, like, elected me president
and, yeah

- oily bastard lyrics

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