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oj - suicide note lyrics

[verse 1]
i know it’s been some time since we last talked
i wish that you could see me as an adult
i’m sorry that i never come to visit you
since the last time we talked i’ve been feeling blue
i’ve been feeling down, but thats nothing new
i’ve been feeling this way, since the day you left
feeling pain and frustration inside my chest
since you p-ssed dad, i’ve got nothing left
and everytime we talk, you never answer me
the dissapointment, i really need you helping me
’cause i’m down, yeah i’m deeper than i’ve ever been
see my love for life is just paper thin
and i’ve been thinking about how my life has been
but all the pain and the crying that you have never seen
’cause you weren’t there (tell me life is fair)
don’t tell me god exists (don’t tell me life’s a gift)

[pre-hook]
so i’ve been down. man, i’ve been down
cried so many tears, [?] sure that i could drown
what kinda god would have done this to a man?
and everybody is talking like they f-cking got a plan
so if you’re testing me, it’s ’cause [?] for me
but he took it too far, it’s enough for me
i can’t take it no more, so what can’t you see?
i’m doing my best to make you proud of me

[hook]
i wrote a suicide note, but i changed my mind
’cause i was thinking about the family i was leaving behind
i wrote a suicide note, now i got to decide
and now i’m thinking about the family i’m leaving behind
(okay)

[verse 2]
so have you ever seen a person just demolish himself?
using self medication just do deal with himself
using five different pills just to look at himself
and give us everything you got, just to be someone else
but thats me, but not really me though
i’m just a hostage, but i got the key, yo
can’t set me free, can’t seem to leave
i trapped in my mind, there is no way to flee
i can’t get on the bus without [?] scream
the excite has been hard on my self esteem
man, i hate to smile, but i do it all the time
to hide for the people how i feel inside
i’ve been alone for days, maybe months and weeks
[?]
so you can’t say sh-t about how i feel
’cause you don’t know sh-t about what i’ve seen
’cause i’m a troubled teen with a distant mom
a [?] dad, i’m a ticking bomb
so when i blow, i don’t mean no harm
’cause i may seem cold, but my heart is warm
i may seem young, but my mind is old
live’s so hard, so tell me what’s the point
so before i go, i just got to know
have i done too much sh-t, [?] halo glow

[hook]
i wrote a suicide note, but i changed my mind
’cause i was thinking about the family i was leaving
i wrote a suicide note, now i got to decide
and now i’m thinking about the family i’m leaving behind
(okay)
i wrote a suicide note, but i changed my mind
’cause i was thinking about the family i was leaving
i wrote a suicide note, now i got to decide
and now i’m thinking about the family i’m leaving behind
(okay)

- oj lyrics

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