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operation mincemeat - god that's brilliant lyrics

so
hitler’s on the track and he’s heading for the border
we take out a porter that no+one will miss
now our boy’s undercover he poisons the water
god, that’s brilliant! but listen to this…

i’ve designed a new kind of missile
so tiny it’s shot from a pen
it’s full of airborne sedative
time to effect is relative
but one whiff’s enough to floor ten grown men
we’ll shoot him on route, our pursuit will be fruitful
and the führer is out cold

but what the h+ll happens then?

so
hitler’s on the train and he’s feeling kind of tired
he’s drugged in a fug like a mental abyss
mein pants have been stolen!
we’ll trade them for poland!

god, that’s brilliant
but listen to this…

but i haven’t got to the exploding socks yet!
you’ve had a verse…
i know a lady assassin
she’s lithe but impossibly strong
she’s k!lled half of moscow
she owns her own crossbow
a master of disguise who can speak any tongue
she’s stationed in haiti, patiently waiting
but one call from me and she’ll be ours for a song

so
hitler’s on the train and he’s coming back from burma
our girl hurls herself from a nearby tree
she crashes through the window
disguised as a flamingo
in the whirl that unfurls, she k!lls a guard or three
she raises up her knife
it’s dripping blood from the slaughter!
hitler sh+ts himself as she blows him a kiss
his guards try to pour in, she barricades the door and
god, that’s brilliant, but listen to this
if this is a man in a fancy suit…!
all that we need is a sw+nky tuxedo

fleming, stop going on about your bl++dy novel
several publishers are interested!
your mother doesn’t count
come on boys, remember what churchill said…
if you want to beat them jerries
you gotta call upon the visionaries
‘cos if you’re in trouble
don’t scream and shout
just call the english public school boys
we’ll sort it all out!
it’s time for ambition, to show you’ve got vision
we’re the best brains in britain, now listen to this!

all we need is a shiny tuxedo (here we go!)
and my design for a submarine car (for god’s sake)
about seventy pretty ladies
aston martin or mercedes
a base in a volcano and a laser cigar
some crocodile moccasins, a watch with a garrote in it
a vodka martini waiting at the bar and
there’s our man who’s a really famous hero
he wears cool suits and he has a big gun
he has great adventures and ladies want to kiss him
(i do like it when the ladies want to kiss me!)
god he’s brilliant and his name is james
i’ve even got a catch phrase from him!
the name’s james…. james (no!)

hitler’s on a train
or a boat
or other vehicle
we send in an assassin
or a robot
that’s illegal!
shoot him
stab him
grab him
and he’s wearing a tuxedo!
he k!lls the guard, snogs the girl and says something cool
no!
we tie him up
poison him
i think this plan has veered off..
we bring him back to blighty
steal his trousers
blow his head off
our victory’s assured
we go and win the war (no!)
god that’s brilliant! (um…)
god i’m brilliant! (well…)
god we’re brilliant! (no!)
now listen to this!

- operation mincemeat lyrics

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