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original broadway cast of thoroughly modern millie - the speed test lyrics

mr. graydon:
take a letter. to a mr. john hudson, hudson’s floor wax. you will find an invoice in the file for the address. “dear mr. hudson,” colon:
my eyes are fully open to my awful situation
so i’m writing you a letter to demand an explanation
when the floor wax that we bought from you
arrived here monday morning
we discovered upon usage that the fume
should have a warning
since the only possibility is that the wax is rancid
i request a full refund of all the money we advanced
and unless you can convince me
you’ve improved the floor wax batter
we will take our business elsewhere
so i hope you solve this matter
how’s my speed, miss dillmount?

millie:
a little slow, perhaps

mr. graydon:
ah!
enclosed you’ll find a small container
of the stuff i talk about
just carefully remove the lid
and take a whiff if you’ve a doubt
i’m sure you wouldn’t want me
to alert the daily papers
with the news of how our office
was affected by your vapours
which is why i choose to write to you
a confidential letter
full of strong recommendation
that you make your floor wax better
i just hope it won’t require us
to have our floor relaid and
if it does you may expect a bill
sincerely, trevor graydon
now, read that back to me please

millie:
certainly. “dear mr. hudson,” colon:
my eyes are fully open to my awful situation
so i’m writing you a letter to demand an explanation
when the floor wax that we bought from you
arrived here monday morning
we discovered upon usage that the fume
should have a warning
since the only possibility is that the wax is rancid
i request a full refund of all the money we advanced

mr. graydon:
nice!

millie:
and unless you can convince me
you’ve improved the floor wax batter
we will take our business elsewhere
so i hope you solve this matter

mr. graydon:
not half bad. continue please

millie:
enclosed you’ll find a small container
of the stuff i talk about
just carefully remove the lid
and take a whiff if you’ve a doubt
i’m sure you wouldn’t want me
to alert the daily papers
with the news of how our office
was affected by your vapours
which is why i choose to write to you
a confidential letter
full of strong recommendation
that you make your floor wax better
i just hope it won’t require us
to have our floor relaid and
if it does you may expect a bill
sincerely, trevor graydon

mr. graydon:
miss dillmount, may i speak frankly?

millie:
yes?

mr. graydon:
if i could be so lucky
as to have a good stenographer
to keep this place as up-to-date
as her short skirt and bobbed coiffure
i wouldn’t have to worry ’bout
our soured office planking
and could concentrate on generating
profits ripe for banking
that is why i’m testing you
with this outrageous correspondence
which i don’t intend to actually mail
to the respondents
so if you can make sense of my unintelligble patter
then the job is yours and hudson’s floor wax doesn’t matter

millie:
hudson’s floor wax doesn’t matter?
matter, matter, matter, matter
hudson’s floor wax doesn’t matter?
matter, matter, matter, matter

mr. graydon (at the same time):
hudson’s floor wax doesn’t matter!
matter, matter, matter, matter
hudson’s floor wax doesn’t matter!

office workers (at the same time):
hudson’s floor wax doesn’t matter!
matter, matter, matter, matter

mr. graydon:
now, i want that letter on my desk in two minutes flat. man your machine! go!
time! “dear mr. hudson,”

millie and office workers:
colon

mr. graydon:
my eyes are fully open to my awful situation
so i’m writing you a letter to demand an explanation
when the floor wax that we bought from you
arrived here monday morning
we discovered upon usage that the fume
should have a warning
since the only possibility is that the wax is rancid
i request a full refund of all the money we advanced
and unless you can convince me
you’ve improved the floor wax batter
we will take our business elsewhere
so i hope you solve this matter

millie and office workers:
so i hope you solve this matter
so i hope you solve this matter
so i hope you solve this matter
matter, matter, matter, matter

mr. graydon:
going on
enclosed you’ll find a small container
of the stuff i talk about
just carefully remove the lid
and take a whiff if you’ve a doubt
i’m sure you wouldn’t want me
to alert the daily papers
with the news of how our office
was affected by your vapours
which is why i choose to write to you
a confidential letter
full of strong recommendation
that you make your floor wax better
i just hope it won’t require us
to have our floor relaid and
if it does you may expect a bill
sincerely, trevor graydon
you have made the team miss dillmount!

office workers:
you have made the team miss dillmount!

millie:
tell me where my desk is
when we eat lunch
how much i’ll be paid, and
nice to meet you, i know we’ll be friends
just call me millie graydon

mr. graydon and office workers:
millie graydon?

millie:
i mean dillmount!

mr. graydon and office workers:
millie dillmount?

millie:
someday graydon!

mr. graydon and office workers:
graydon? dillmount? dillmount?
graydon? graydon? dillmount?

millie:
graydon!

all:
ahhhhhhh!

- original broadway cast of thoroughly modern millie lyrics

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