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original cast of calvin berger - security meltdown lyrics

[calvin]
“less insecure,”
that’s what they say
but i’m in high school and let’s face it:
everyday is judgement day
so what’s my fate?
i’ll have to wait
and holy cr-p!
it’s almost 7:58!

(spoken)
i can’t be late on the first day of school!
you know, other kids are so lucky they don’t have to deal with things like this

[bret]
i hate my -ss
it is my jinx
it must be made of polyester
’cause it never ever shrinks
the fattest -ss in my whole cl-ss
and all those diet milkshakes do is give me gas!
look at lady gaga’s b-tt
is that a perfect b-tt or what?
soon it will be christmas
i’ve been good and kind
santa, might you grant a tight behind?
security meltdown
i’m having a break down
i want boys to drool
as i leave the pool
in this security meltdown

[calvin](simultaneously)
security meltdown, oh, oh, ah, ah…
security meltdown

[calvin and bret]
also known as school!

[rosanna]
what will they say
in twenty years
when they are flipping through the yearbook
and a shot of me appears?
what is my ‘thing’?
my claim to fame?
or am i destined to be nothing but a name?
look how calvin jokes around
and bret says things that sound profound
me, i’m just the ‘it’ girl
boys like what they see
but could ‘it’ be all there is to me?
security meltdown
i’m having a breakdown
cool because you’re hot
is truly not so cool
in the security meltdown

[calvin and bret] (simultaneously with rosanna)
security meltdown, oh, oh, ah, ah…
security meltdown

[calvin, bret, and rosanna]
also known as school!

[matt]
i could make a friend today
if i had something cool to say
“yo, they call me matt.”
what the heck was that?!
being new would be just fine
if i could find the perfect line
this could turn out well…
or it could be h-ll!

(overlapping)

[bret]
look at taylor johnson’s -ss
rounded like an hourgl-ss
look at julie binder’s thighs
no wonder she gets all the guys

[calvin]
look at alex nelson’s face
not one feature out of place
look at joe divino’s arms
big as tree trunks

[rosanna]
look how lisa tells a joke
if i tried that i’d probably choke
i’m so boring
they’d be snoring

[matt]
look at all the kids p-ss by
why can’t i just go say “hi”?
what’s the holdup?

(together)

[all]
call us superficial
but here, these facts are real

[calvin and bret]
hearts of gold just don’t beat abs of steel!

[rosanna and matt]
security meltdown! security meltdown! security meltdown!

[calvin and bret]
my eyes
my thighs
my b-tt
my gut
my hips
my lips
my chin
my skin
my nose
my clothes
my flab
my scab
my hair
my wart!

[bret]
i’m too d-mn short!

[rosanna and matt]
security meltdown! security meltdown! security meltdown!

[calvin and bret]
my eyes
my thighs
my b-tt
my gut
my hips
my lips
my chin
my skin
my nose
my clothes
my flab
my scab

[all]
also known as school!

- original cast of calvin berger lyrics

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