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original cast of why am i so single - clubs glorious clubs lyrics

[oliver, spoken]
when did we meet again?
[artie, spoken]
oh come on you remember
it was fresher’s week at that 2000s throwback club night
[oliver, spoken]
oh yeah, what was it called again
[all, spoken]
“noughties, but nice”
[artie, spoken]
yep! and you were both giving the most intense vibes in the world
[nancy, spoken]
what? no we weren’t!
[oliver, spoken]
yeah i remember that night, we were so cool and chilled
[artie, spoken]
i hate to have to do this
but come on, don’t you remember?

[artie]
you were in the corner, you wanted to get with that guy
[nancy]
i wanted him cause he was so dreamy
he wanted someone, i wanted it to be me
[artie]
you were at the back and stood chatting to someone nearby
[oliver]
he wanted me, he was kinda excessive
coming on strong and a little obsessive
[artie]
yours tried to move on
and i can tell you wanna make him jealous
[nancy]
treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen
that’s how you do it
[artie]
yours gets his groove on
and i can se you wanna get to freedom
[oliver]
it’s a no, gotta show him i’m not into him
[oliver & nancy]
i look up slowly to the first person i see
i know what i must do somehow
hear the beating of my heart
the crowd of dancers part
this is gonna happen now

[oliver]
right there in the middle of the dancefloor
[nancy]
right where everybody in the club saw
[oliver]
no more words
[nancy]
came forwards
[oliver & nancy]
and s n o double g e d
(they snogged!)

all the people looking over there be
(snogged)
all the boys and the girls and the enbys
(snogged)
it was mission accomplished
when we s n o double g e d
s n o double g e d
s n o double g e d
s n o double g e d
yes, s n o double g e d
s n o double g e d, ah, ah

[artie]
so i think your memories are selective
this is what happened from my perspective

[nancy]
i was in the corner, i wanted to get with that guy
[artie]
all night long you’d been pretty much stalking
cornered him and you wouldn’t stop talking
[oliver]
i was at the back and stood chatting to someone nearby
[artie]
who seems like a sweet guy, making conversation
you were acting like he was a rabid alsatian
[nancy]
mine tried to move on and i thought ‘well i’ve got to make him jealous’
[artie]
he went back to his friends, you started crying
[oliver]
mine got his groove on and i could see i had to get to freedom
[artie]
never seen so much sweat, i thought you were dying
though you could barely see
you looked round desperately to find someone as trashed as you
you staggered bleary eyed
you pushed people aside
and i thought ‘who the h+ll are these two?’

right there in the middle of the dancefloor
right where everybody in the club saw
it went silent as you violently s n o double g e d

[oliver & nancy]
we snogged!

so performance here went weird
(snogged)
everyone in the vicinity cleared
(snogged)
so messy and depressing when you s n o double g e d

use a queer to seduce a straight guy
use a woman to avoid a great guy
on the fence of offensive when you s n o double g e d

s n o double g e d
s n o double g e d
yes, s n o double g e d
s n o double g e d, ah, ah

[nancy]
is he watching?
[oliver]
yes
[nancy]
does he look jealous?
[oliver]
yes

[artie]
so, yeah, when i’d see what you two did
that was the moment i concluded
think i’ll keep them just as friends
cause something’s going on and it’s pretty intense

[nancy]
to be fair now looking back, with fresh eyes
i think i’m gonna die of shame
[oliver]
likewise
[artie]
but i saw you chatting to your boys later that night
so i guess it all worked out
[oliver & nancy]
yeah, not quite

[oliver, spoken]
ok, see you around
[boy 2, spoken]
ok, see you around
[boy 1, spoken]
can i add you on facebook?
[nancy, spoken]
can i get your number?
[oliver, spoken]
who uses facebook anymore? it’s all about vine!
[boy 1, spoken]
oh, look i actually broke my phone doing the ice bucket challenge
[boy 2, spoken]
oh yeah maybe see you at freshers’ fair
[nancy, spoken]
yeah cool, it’s chill, i’m not interested obviously
cause i’m here with this hunky… heteros+xual dude over here
[oliver, spoken]
yeah… and if i’m not tired from all the b00b… jobs
[nancy, spoken]
so… hey
[oliver, spoken]
oh… hey you
[nancy, spoken]
oh, look before this goes any further
[oliver, spoken]
wait i just really need to tell you
[oliver & nancy, spoken]
i don’t fancy you and i never will
[nancy, spoken]
oh, phew
[oliver, spoken]
oh, thank god
[nancy, spoken]
i’m sorry, i was just snogging you cause of that guy
i’m sorry if that’s weird of me
[oliver, spoken]
oh my gosh, no, i was just snogging you ause of that guy, so you make perfect sense to me
[nancy, spoken]
everyone i came with has left
[oliver, spoken]
oh… well i am here with the lgbt soc, come hang with us if you want
[nancy, spoken]
really?
[oliver, spoken]
consider yourself part of the family
[nancy, spoken]
i’m taking to you so strong
[oliver, spoken]
it’s clear
[nancy, spoken]
we’re
[oliver & nancy, spoken]
going to get along
[oliver, spoken]
no way! am in the presence of another oliver exclamation mark super fan?
[nancy, spoken]
er, it’s only my favourite musical of all time, ever!
[oliver, spoken]
favourite song?
[oliver & nancy, spoken]
“i’d do anything”
[nancy, spoken]
favourite broadway revival cast member?
[oliver & nancy, spoken]
patti lupone
best market seller?
onions!
[oliver, spoken]
look, i know we only just met but… do you trust me?
[nancy, spoken]
with my life obviously
[oliver, spoken]
ok, so, i actually downloaded the torrent from pirate bay earlier this evening
i don’t suppose you wanna go back to mine and watch
oliver exclamation mark with me?
[nancy, spoken]
never before has a boy asked me to do that
i’d love to
[oliver, spoken]
yay, let’s go

[oliver & nancy]
and then we f+cked
right there, yeah the two of us screwed
right after “food, glorious food”
bent over the sofa and f + c k e d
yeah, we f+cked

[oliver & nancy, spoken]
no we didn’t actually
that’s a lie

- original cast of why am i so single lyrics

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