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original off broadway cast of penelope - when i'm king lyrics

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[antinous]
those idiotic clowns
how soon they’ll come to see
i’m the suitor who will suit her
that queen penelope

and when i’m king
i’ll neuter any suitor
who’s not me

when i’m king
everyone will bow to me
especially penelope
beginning with our honeymoon
i’ll teach her at my leisure
she’s there for my pleasure
i’ll make her dance to my tune

when i’m king
i’ll take care of that buzzing gnat
telemachus, that pampered brat
i’ll send him far away, and soon
i’ll send him off to rome
and see he won’t come home
’cause everyone i send with him will dance to my tune
[spoken]
how’s this for a musical theatre song, baby?

[sung]
when i’m king
all of this odysseus memorabilia has to go
the spears, the shield, the bow
she made this place a shrine
and with the current fad
for all things iliad

i can see it now: on line
people will be standing on line
to buy it
this helmet, i’m sure someone would like to don
i bet it would sell well on amazon
those crazy woman warriors, the amazon

when i’m king
i’ll make a deal with nike
that gorgeous goddess, nike
her expertise would be a boon

and then i’ll post a selfie
with oracle of delphi
’cause everyone will dance to my tune
[spoken]
hit it, boys!

[antinous and suitors]
when i’m king
when i’m king
everyone will bow to me
they’ll bow
especially penelope
and how
and that could happen very soon
so soon
i’ll find the seal
bring her to my heel
as she’ll keep dancing to my tune
my tune, ooh+ooh

[antinous]
oh yeah, everyone will dance to my tune
when i’m king

- original off broadway cast of penelope lyrics

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