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parodocity - [gay parody] alexander the great vs ivan the terrible lyrics

[intro]
epic rap battles of history!
alexander the great!
versus!
ivan the terrible!
begin!

[ivan the terrible]
look alive, crème de la creampie’s arriving
try to screw ivan? no surviving
you’re an ass rover, i’m an ass expander
here to hand you your first c+ck, alexander
i’ll screw you like aristotle
f+ck you harder than you hit that bottle
you’re nothing but an overrated sl+t, i’ll crush ya
i’m the first tsar of all of russia
your assh0l+ hairs have an anastole
my assh0l+ is tight, divine and holy
so don’t even try to approach the god
or you’ll get a huge sack to your f+cking face
[alexander the great]
hey f+g, swell diss
but now you got the h0m+s+xual from pella h+lla h+rny
stepping up’s foolish as well as useless
little f+g ass b+tch, let me spell out the list
i brought men to their knees in phoenicia
jizzed through gaza to giza
had the balkans, persia, syria, iraq and pakistan
in my pride pack
while you died in the middle of some straight s+x
you got s+m+n bars, flavorless
and what i’m ’bout to spit will be the kinkiest
so go jerk me some skeet so i can stay refreshed
kudos! beat all the meat that i got
from winning every single guy that i f+cked
so this’ll be straightforward, i’ll take up this c+ck that i brought
and f+ck you in half like the gordian knot
and i’ll soar to the top
like the eagle whose feather i would sport in the helmet that i wore
as i sh+gged my many enemies, splat in ’em like a porcelain pot
and they’d be praying for the s+x to stop
but i would leave ’em contorted, and they’d be screaming and roaring
until their b+ttholes were torn up and shot
and i would holler “fabulous!”
hop on a c+ck and trot
i win ivan, i vanquish
i’m h0m+s+xual, you’re not!
[ivan the terrible]
enough! i don’t stand a chance against your sk!lls
super! – a skeet to your g+yness

[alexander the great]
yes, i will
it seems no one can defeat me
i weep, it’s all so easy… ooh

[ivan the terrible]
what’s wrong?

[alexander the great]
i feel a bit… sleepy

[ivan the terrible]
ha! you’ve been roofied!

[alexander the great]
oh, the pain is unbearable…
uh… +snore+

[ivan the terrible]
ugh, i’m terrible
it seems no g+y could defeat this russian
[frederick the great]
psst, what about a nut busting prussian?

[crowd]
g+y fritz! g+y fritz! g+y fritz! g+y fritz!
g+y fritz! g+y fritz! g+y fritz! g+y fritz!

[frederick the great]
i’m frederick the g+y, out the gate first servant of state
jerking off to traps ain’t exactly straight
i’ve got s+xual talents and assh0l+ malice
hard as steel on the field, genteel in the palace
russia’s f+cked up, but no wonder why
with your f+ggots and twinks and bears, oh my
i would pay a guy to cum in my eye
if i had to look at your straight face every night
now bring me my d+ld+
i’m cumming from plowing you a new derrière from here to red square
i f+cked seven dudes at once, i ain’t scared of a tsar
’cause creaming you only took me twelve bars

[ivan the terrible]
oh! what a humiliating defeat!
i know when i am beat, so of course, suck my d+ck

[frederick the great]
i’d keep banging you to shreds, but i’ll take a break instead
and just give a little head

[ivan the terrible]
why don’t you suck that, fred?
hmm, my expectations were a lot higher
but at least i saved the rubles on the condom!
it’s another straight day and another straight victory
’cause no g+y can beat me

[pompey the great]
what about me?
pompey! yum! (oh jesus)

[catherine the great]
f+g+edonians, twinkies and h0m+s
those aren’t worthy opponents
it takes a russian to take down a russian
i’m cath, i’m a les, you’re a h0m+phobe
how are you the head of our straights
when the state of your head was such a crazy one?
such sick sh+t going through your brain
that you sucked a d+ck through your own son (ew)
you’re unbalanced like i unbalanced the european powers with the chicks i laid
i brought the russian empire straight out of the olden days and right into the rainbow age
i’m a f+g b+tch that you just can’t scissor with
this whole battle’s like your mama cause i fingered it

[ivan the terrible]
hmmm, what a beautiful queer to beat me in a battle
accept this gift, your highness
i hear you enjoy the phallus

[catherine the great]
that d+ck story is a pile of sh+t
though i do keep ’em chomping at the cl+t
but you’re never gonna get it, kek
couldn’t spin in my chamber if this were lesbo roulette
i’m picking up where ellen the degenerate left off
bringing g+y pride back to house romanov
so don’t call me queer, i’m far more g+y
than p+n+s to tsar 8, b+tch
jk i’m straight

[outro]
who won?
who’s next?
you decide!
epic!
rap battles of history!

- parodocity lyrics

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