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patent pending - last time that i saw you lyrics

the last time that i saw you i was drunk as h-ll
apologies are probably in order i can tell
from the pictures that you posted
i look liquid, i look toasted
and i probably owe you money as well
i was faced, i was faded
i was sixteen types of wasted
i was trading shirts with dudes i didn’t know
i was toes up and i fell down
crowned the mayor of tipsy town
from the second that i started i was done
i’m sorry but the last time that i saw you i was drunk

normally i’m not the one who gets carried home
and typically you won’t find me drunk texting on my phone
i’m not a bro, i’m not out for trouble
but hot d-mn, i was seeing double
singing karaoke, it was journey all night long
don’t stop believing!
i was ripped, obliterated
i don’t want to see my credit card statement
’cause i was throwing back jack like slash in ’92
’cause we in the jungle, baby!
i was p-ssed, i was plowed
i was messed up, blacked out
this hangover is gonna last a month
i’m sorry but the last time that i saw you i was drunk

i got a yolo tattoo
drunk dialed everyone i knew
a shopping spree on amazon
what the h-ll was going on?
apparently i drank a bit too much
i’m sorry but the last time that i saw you i was drunk and useless
woke up, i was handcuffed to a briefcase, i was clueless, how did i do this?
and when i went to call the next day
i remembered that i lost my phone in a midnight mickey d’s melee, how the h-ll did i get this way?

- patent pending lyrics

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