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perry maysun - theater 14 (alt) lyrics

[intro]
(the lowest point, at the top of the building)
this is it
(at the top of the building)
i’m done (at the top of the building)
i’m done
i’m not gonna call anybody
i don’t wanna make them upset
this is where the story ends
goodbye
(he was eight+fourteen at birth, he’s three and a half weeks old now) (yeah)
(and now he weighs nine and a half pounds)
[interlude]
act one: the road to the roof

[verse 1]
put on my shoes, and i ran to the spot
where i write all my songs, and i look at the sky
tonight’s a little different from the others
picking up my phone just to call all of my brothers
and tell ’em that i love ’em, tell ’em that i love ’em
i’m as valuable as wingstop and taking out the rubbage
i’m as valuable as nothing, walking ’round with a smile undercover
walking ’round with a smile undercover
ever since i been here, as long as i remember
i ain’t wanna be here, my soul felt tender
and my soul felt tender
and my soul felt tender
what am i supposed to do?
livin’ every day, just to hope for new
emotions that will come into my brain to keep me hopeful too
i don’t know what to say now
the world i once knew has turned to emptiness and grey now
and everything i loved is what i hate now
i think that is a reflection of myself
don’t know what i’m doing
and i’m sorry though
’bouta jump off of this roof into a place that i hardly know
hopefully it’s better than my mind
hopefully it’s better than my mind
hopefully it’s better than my mind
hopefully it’s better than my mind
[bridge]
this is the way down
this is the way down
this is the way down
this is the way down

[interlude]
act two: the way down

[verse 2]
on the way down, it feels so peaceful
no more runnin’ ’round in different places, not to feel blue
i’m happy ’cause i’ll see you, but regret a couple things
i’ll never see my music pan out, never have a wedding ring
never get that green, and tell my pops that i did it
and tell my mom that i’m winning
tell reese and sage appreciation for trusting all my decisions
for trusting all my decisions
never get to pay guapo back for lettin’ me stay on his couch
never get to thank capo for keeping me up, when down
never get to thank sachi, asmo, or rage and show f kyle and zion that we did it, ’cause we ain’t, and i’m not here
oh, i’m not here, oh, i’m not here
oh, i’m not here, here
no, i’m not here, no, i’m not here
but i used to be, but i used to be
no, i’m not here, no, i’m not here
but i used to be, but i+
[interlude]
act three: the final act

[verse 3]
i love you mom, from hudson
i love you mom, and i’m sorry every time you press play on my music, you hear all of my pain, and you just wanna help, but i won’t let you
put your help on the shelf, and it just makes you feel like you’re useless, and it makes you feel like you’re not a mom
but you’re the best mom that anyone could ask for
you the best mom that anyone could ask for
but now i’m sitting on the floor with tears in my eyes, ’cause i don’t love myself now, and i ain’t love myself then
so i take all of my pain, and i put it through this pen
and that’s why you hear them songs when you press play on my music
i’m ’bout to lose it
i’m ’bout to lose it, mom
i’m telling you i love you more than anything, so if i’m not here tomorrow, then i promise that i’ll+
+from the clouds of heaven
you’ll be here forever
and you would do anything for me and i appreciate it
but that doesn’t cover up the fact that i hate it
i hate it, the way that i look, i hate the way i+
i hate the way i feel everyday that i wake up
so i did it, and i’m speaking to you, from the clouds
and i’m loud
but i’m up here with grandpa and grandma beth
and i’m feeling good, and i+
and i see your mom, and, and she’s, she’s a beautiful person
and, and, i knew she was, and i love you
and i’m sorry if i ever made you feel like you didn’t do enough, ’cause you did everything
you did everything, mom, i love you
but+
i’m sorry mama
i love you
i ain’t mean to hurt you
i did it all to tell you what i was going through, but every time you press play
you hear my pain, i don’t wanna be so negative
i want to be happy, but my mind won’t let me live
so i jumped, and i fell
but i’m good, wish me well

[outro]
i would be lying if i said there weren’t points when i was 5 seconds away from making the last choice, to take my last breath, on this beautiful planet we call home
i still have nightmares about it
where i follow through on thoughts my past self would have considered right
but those days are behind me
it’s time for me to heal
no matter how hard it is
i will try with every breath in my body
i will try to heal
i will try to heal
i will try to heal, heal, heal

- perry maysun lyrics

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