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perswayable - scars lyrics

[verse 1]
i have scars on my hands;
they remind me
what life was like being a dishonest man
the harm you can bring
i deserve what this darkness brings
if august sings
i’ll forget the next few months and all the things
ironic i am not summer i’m the fall of kings
thought i was jupiter ++ i’m the smaller rings

[verse 2]
f+ck my throne
never been to rome but i roam alone
voices in my head are my calvary
but physically i rode alone (uh huh)
(but) it’s modern, i got a mobile phone
to alter my vocal tone
and avoid my subconscious
so i cope alone
i’m hopeful though, (that’s what i will tell you)

[verse 3]
but truth be told
my knees grow old
and although i am young i need to know
why i mow this lawn of despair but the weeds still grow?
i tell you i don’t need you yo
i’m feeble though
and protect my secrets behind walls so tall
but i kinda wish they see+through walls
[chorus]
got a past i’m not proud of
society says it’s too emotional; i’m a man; not allowed to talk about it
f+ck anxiety and depression
i could be surrounded
by one hundred thousand
people and feel like i’m the only one that’s drowning
got a past i’m not proud of
society says it’s too emotional; i’m a man; not allowed to talk about it
f+ck anxiety and depression
i could be surrounded
by one hundred thousand
people and feel like i’m the only one that’s drowning

[verse 4]
i believe in love
i didn’t once
but i fear being with a woman cause i feel bad if she falls in love with a man who sometimes doesn’t want to leave his house for months
irrational thoughts over swarm
my brain and absorb like a sponge
i don’t have enough
energy to meet you for lunch
even though id really like to see you a bunch

[verse 5]
it’s a paradox
you see this happiness
but i’m sad a lot
unhappy voices tattle a lot
like a snake with an amplified rattle ++ no matter how hard i fought\
that snaked adapted, constricted my movements and now i’m caught
and i ought to end it all
at least in a f+cked up way it brings me the only happy thought
[verse 6]
another happy thought is having no thoughts
this plane is crashing down and i won’t report
it on a radio that only works for you
or press the b+tton to abort

[verse 7]
when i was a child
i built a fort
with a rag on a fork
like a flag on a resort
how i felt so high and fell so short
prisoner to my self rapport

[chorus]
got a past i’m not proud of
society says it’s too emotional; i’m a man; not allowed to talk about it
f+ck anxiety and depression
i could be surrounded
by one hundred thousand
people and feel i’m the only one that’s drowning
got a past i’m not proud of
society says it’s too emotional; i’m a man; not allowed to talk about it
f+ck anxiety and depression
i could be surrounded
by one hundred thousand
people and feel like i’m the only one that’s drowning
[verse 8]
i think about my grave
i’d like to dig it myself with a spoon
i’d like to choose my music too
put it on mute to reduce the tune
bury me with no casket with silk draped around myself like a cocoon
with a seed to grow a tree
so my sins are attuned
finally, perhaps i’ll be of some use

[verse 9]
then i think:
i’ve been happy before
why? can i be happy again?
i wrote this song and i reached out to friends
shoutout to them
this song is near to the end

[verse 10]
but at least my life isn’t
i made the right decision
to my younger self: fight within him
despite collisions
which will incite division
focus on bright visions
of you smiling with no balloon

[verse 11]
i’m always holding your hand, too
no folding in this game or allow it control over you
despite this, younger self i miss you my dude
thanks to you, i’m standing here too
waiting for you
to prove you got too much to lose
you can’t even say i don’t understand
because little man i’ve been in your shoes

- perswayable lyrics

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